


Let Me Go

by Seongjoong123



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alpha Park Seonghwa, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Knotting, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Kim Hongjoong, Pack Dynamics, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Smut, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:20:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27226450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seongjoong123/pseuds/Seongjoong123
Summary: Warning: My story contains graphic depictions of violence, sexuality, strong language, angst, noncon, abuse. Please don't read if you get triggered easily."What do you mean hongjoong isn't doing well"?The members looked concerned.Yunho was a crying mess. Mingi tried to calm him down. But Wooyoung knew the latter's tears wouldn't stop in a long run.He glances towards Yeosang in hope he would explain...But the beta had a blank expression on his face, not having said a word since they where downstairs.Wooyoung swallowed as he prepared himself for what he was going to say."I-I think s-someone...At this point a gut wrenching cry was heard through the whole dorm. This time not from Hongjoong...but from Seonghwa.Tears fell from wooyoungs eyes and trailed along his cheeks...raped him".-21 year old hongjoong got brutally raped. The beta decided he would keep silent and deal with the aftermath alone. However what happens when he unexpectedly presents as an omega not even a couple of days after this horrific experience?.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 36
Kudos: 162





	1. Just a beta

**Author's Note:**

> This story is really dark and I feel bad for Hongjoong but it does get a bit better eventually/ I just want my darkest fantasies to run wild and that is exactly what I'm gonna do. (Now is this not the worst yet, it can be more extreme).
> 
> You might think I'm crazy and all for writing this down...and yes in a way I kinda am. I have no idea where this stuff is comming from either...
> 
> Its funny because I'm in the medical field and I'm fantasizing about people getting terribly hurt in one way or another. It's honestly interesting to me...how the mind and body work. How trauma to both of them can be inflicted. And the healing process of those wounds. Physically and mentally. Human behavior interest me. Horror and angst. Stalkers, rapists, abusers, psychopaths, sociopaths, mental illnesses, trauma, and ofcourse the victims of either the illness or from the deeds of others.  
> (I can write a whole book of why I love these genres :))
> 
> Please don't read when you're getting triggered easily. bc this is sum really disturbing shit. 
> 
> I won't be uploading regularly!! Sorry)

Ateez's will have their comeback in 3 weeks and everyone is busy, spending extra hours practicing in the practice room and gym to prepare. 

Hongjoong has his own project he's working on ontop of the loaded scedule. 

He had been stoked when the company requested him to produce one of the songs for their comeback. Without a second thought he agreed to do the thask. He wanted to be productive, participate and was ready to put his blood, sweat and tears into making this perfect song. 

However...

The workload had been more than expected. It didn't discourage the beta in any way. But there was alot of stress.

His motto: Wake up with determination, go to bed with satisfaction. 

but, the last part wasn't all that easy. Better said, he was never satisfied with his work, resulting in him working on it for countless of hours every day. Often staying at the studio untill past midnight, sometimes not even going back to the dorm at all.

The constant lack of sleep and skipping meals here and there didn't help either... His body and brain, struggled to keeping up after weeks of this. He knew it wasn't healthy but honestly he didn't really care. 

He wanted to loose some weight for the comeback anyway... And, once he was done he would catch up on the sleep he had missed. If the outcome of his hard labour was positive? this sacrifice was nothing. In his eyes it was all worth it. After all the other members were working hard as well. So he couldn't be slacking off. And when he would present the song his members be proud of him, they would compliment him on his hard work, pat is head, maybe even give him a hug if he was lucky. He would feel appreciated and seen...

And ofcourse his song would also be heard. 

This reward, for him was priceless...It motivated him to push forward, work even harder 

-

From the moment he woke up he knew something was off. He wasn't unwell but didn't feel particulairly great either. He just felt weird. In the morning he had been spacing out resulting in him dropping a glass. He laughed it off as him being clumsy when one of the members asked him what had happened.

But it was weird how had just suddenly dropped it. As he observed his hands he noticed they where visibly shaking. Getting down to pick up the broken pieces a sudden sharp stinging pain was felt. He hissed as the pieces of shards he was holding to tightly where dropped onto the ground again.

He just sat there, staring at his right hand for a short while with a blank unreadeble expression as a trail of blood tickled down onto the wooden floor. Fascinated by the sight he didn't do anything but watch...

A slight touch broke this trance. Wooyoung who just happened to pass by tapped Hongjoong's shoulder, who flinched in response. 

"Ey what's wrong? 

He looked up to be met with the others worried face. 

"N-nothing, you just scared me for a moment". 

"Oh, okey you need some help with that"? looks painfull, pointing to the beta's hand. 

He smiled.

"No...It's okey you don't have to worry about it. I was almost done cleaning up anyway". "Thanks for asking".

The other pouted at that.  
" If you're sure"?? "You don't want me to kiss it better for you"?

"No, you don't have to do that".

To be honest... he didn't want Wooyoung to close to him right now. Somehow...the omega had been irritating him...alot. Wooyoung was unaware ofcourse. But the omega behaviour before an upcoming heat just sucked.

Luckily San just walked through the frontdoor with a bag of snacks in his hand, making wooyoung divert his attention to the alpha. Not even a second later wooyoung was stuck to San like glue, who was al to happy to receive the attention. 

Hongjoong shook his head at the sight.

Wooyoung demanded a lot of attention. Always wanting to cuddle with everyone. Trying to be cute, behave childlike. And it worked... he loved having everyone swooning over him. 

Hongjoong however hated it. Because the little attention he would get from the others would be non existent once everyone was focussed on the omega.  
Meaning he'll go without being touched or talked to for days.  
He didn't want to help the other with his heat either, as he didn't feel sexual attracted to the younger or a mather of fact many of the other members. Maybe because he's a beta? Even if he' chose to help what would he do? He barely had any experience...no as a mather of fact he had none. 21 years old, constantly surrounded by good looking guys and still a hadn't done anything. Except that one time he got a kiss from his classmate he had a crush on. But he was 13 and that wouldn't really count as anything. 

He bet he was the only member who hadn't done it yet. As they al helped each other through ruts and heats. Everyone except for hongjoong ofcourse. He recollected the times wooyoung and mingi had asked him to help them, but he had declined every time. To afraid of sex itself. What if he wasn't good at it? Or couldn't please them? He wanted to, but he didn't know how...Maybe there was something wrong with him? It was kinda embarrassing...but the beta was just really shy... So, it wasn't Wooyoungs faulth.  
Not entirely...

thinking about it...this one time when Hongjoong had just arrived home from a long day of work, Wooyoung was comfortably sitting on Seonghwa's lap. 

Once he noticed Hongjoong he had asked the beta to join them on the couch, but he didn't want to be the extra guy...

Don't get him wrong... He really craved that attention. Badly. He was touch starved for a long time. He's almost used to it at this point. Not being touched at all.  
But deep down he wanted someone to comfort him as well. No not just someone. Seonghwa. he wanted Seonghwa to comfort him...But he didn't wat to share. And he especially didn't want the omega's scent on either him nor the alpha. Somehow it just repelled him. He was jealous of the omega and not ashamed to admit it. He wanted the attention the other had so easy access to. But somehow it seem impossible for him. And that's exactly the reason he's acting like that towards Wooyoung. He knew that even if the omege didn't notice the other members sure did. 

Hongjoong was known as the packmate that wasn't so keen on psychical contact. So the members didn't approach him. However he always wished they would since he was to shy to do so himself. Afraid the others would think he was weird. He especially hoped the eldest packmate and head alpha would pay a bit more attention to him once in a while. 

But since he's the one pushing the others away al the time...he totally got it. He had drawn a line every time he had declined the invitation. He was the cause if it. 

But to change it? ask for attention? No... his pride wouldn't let him. He wanted them to do it because they wanted to. Not because he craved attention. He wasn't that selfish...

Was he?

Shaking his head he went back to cleaning up the broken glass

-

"Hongjoong what the fuck is wrong with you"!? this is the fourth time you made the same mistake"! 

He flinched at the hard tone.  
He didn't have to look up to notice all eyes where on him.

Hongjoong could feel their frustration growing each time he made a mistake. He felt guilty but couldn't do anything about it. His arms and legs felt so heavy. Making it hard for him to keep up with the hard, tiring choreography.  
They had been practicing for 4 hours straight and he hadn't made any progress.

His head hung low as his eyes where focussed on the floor. Not wanting to see the dissapointed looks of his packmates.

"I'm sorry" he almost wispered. 

"You have to do better you know"." Are you aware we're all staying way longer just because of you"?  
"Our comeback is in less than 3 weeks, you should have memorized this part already"!

"Yes, I...I'm just a bit tired. I'll try harder".

He heard a couple of members sighing before the same song they had heard for hours on end filled the room yet again. 

He had to stay focused.

But days after didn't get any better. 

Hongjoong just felt awfull. He was tired and stressed. Ontop of that.. He felt extremely excluded and alone.

And these feelings grew more intense by the day.

No one had paid attention to him in a while and if they did it was often to scold him for making mistakes. Even if it was negative attention, he welcomed it at this point.

He just had this feelings he couldn't shook off. It was intense and continues.  
Seeking comfort or talking about these feelings where off limits. Not when they where all pissed at him and practically ignoring him for messing up all the time.  
As if he was making those mistakes on purpose?

And especially not when Wooyoung happen to go into heat, making everyone run around the house to take care of the precious and only omega of the pack.

Even though everyone was around him he felt lonely, invisible. Was he even apart of this pack? Sometimes it just felt like he was the extra person in the room. Just there but not needed... maybe he was just being to dramatic though...  
-

He groaned as his hands flew to his head. He opened his eyes slightly but closed them shut as the the sunrays peeked through the half open curtain. He took a moment to let his eyes adjust to the light.

He had slept restless last night, waking up a couple of times. Still tired he tried to catch a bit more sleep but after 10 minutes of tossing and turning he gave up and threw the blanket off in one go.

Sigh...

he sat up and massaged the side of his throbbing head with his hands, but It didn't relieve any of the pain. Some painkillers would surely fix this problem. 

As he got out of his bed he looked over at the other bed across the room to see that his roommate was already up. Not so surprising, the alpha had always been an early bird. Unlike himself. 

He glanced at the clock which read 11:22 am.

No wonder he couldn't go back to sleep. He slept in this much already 

He made his way towards the closet. Buy upon opening it he knew he didn't really feel like changing into his own clothes. Then he remembered that Seonghwa had this really oversized, soft sweater...

He was tempted to just take it. Try it on. It looked so comfy at least when Seonghwa was wearing it. And today he felt like it was the only thing he had ever wanted. Or rather NEEDED. 

Seonghwa surely wouldn't mind if he'd borrowed it this once right? 

Wooyoung often takes others their clothes without asking, whenever he feels like it. And no one particularly cared... so why couldn't he?

He searched around the in the latter's closet, but the item he was looking for wasn't there. Why couldn't he find it? Was Seonghwa already wearing it? 

he walked towards the others bed. Maybe it was there? He undid the covers but no sweater. 

he pouted in defeat. In the end he just went with his own clothes. 

While in the bathroom he got some medicenes for the headache and washed up. While brushing his teeth he noticed the overly full laundry basket behind him. Should he?...no... Eventually he stepped out of the bathroom... To turn around not even a couple of seconds later. Still not forgotten about the sweater he decided to just take a quick peek.

A quick peek became a throughout investigation, inpatient he tipped the basket upside down, dumping all the laundry on the ground. After a bit of digging through the pile of clothes he finally found the item he was looking for.

Aha!! "There you are". 

He held the black, soft sweater in front of him with a big smile displaying on his face. Not minding nor caring how weird his behaviour actually was.

The sweater had been worn already however it didn't look unclean. Hongjoong brought it closer and carefully sniffed it. It didn't smell off either. No the contrary it was mostly Seonghwa's scent ( and the faint scents of the other members).

But Seonghwa's scent... Freshly cut grass. The scent Hongjoong loved the most. He hugged the sweater tightly, inhaling the scent deeply...and sighed, instantly feeling a bit better. Sometimes he wished he could just bathe in it.

He always had a good sense of smell for a beta. And he was especially attracted towards the latter's scent. Bless him for being roommates with the alpha. Sometimes when Seonghwa was out he would secretly climb onto the others bed, even just for a few minutes he felt content and happy. He didn't know if the other had ever noticed. But since he doesn't have a scent himself, guess not?

This was his little secret. Well...that and the feelings he had for the alpha. 

He wasted no time and changed into the sweater right away. Sighing of relieve when the soft fabric touched his skin, all worries and stress for once forgotten.

' Jup, this sweater was claimed for today'.

He was too preoccupied that he failed to noticed the door behind him opening. 

"What are you doing"?

In shock he whipped his head around to see a surprised Mingi standing in the doorway.

Hongjoong swallowed...

"uhm..."

Mingi's eyes went from Hongjoong to the big pile of dirty laundry scattered on the bathroom floor up to the sweater.

Connecting the dots his brows rose a bit, he had an questioning look on his face. As if figuring out what the hell the other was doing and why.  
Not that Hongjoong would be able to answer that question if he had asked.

The two stood there awkwardly.

He had been caught in the act... He  
was speechless and embarrassed, not knowing what to do or say.

Mingi decided to speak up. 

"Joong, why are all the clothes on the ground?"

Hongjoong looked at the mess and swallowed.

"U-uh I-I uh...Wanted to do the laundry"? He said a bit questioning. 

"Hmnn, the laundry you say"? one of mingi's eyebrow rose a bit again.

"Yeah... but somehow the basket fell over". 

He cringed inwardly as the words came out of his mouth. This didn't really sound convincing at all. It was obvious that he was lying.

"Oh...oke" the other shrugged. "So are you almost done in here? I just came back from the gym and would really like to take a shower". 

Hongjoong nodded eagerly, somewhat relieved that the alpha didn't ask him about the sweater.

" Y-yeah ofcourse, I was just on my way out anyway". 

"Great". 

Hongjoong quickly collected all the clothes and left the bathroom. Not noticing Mingi's all-knowing smirk as they passed each other.

After putting the clothes in the washing machine he speed-walked back to his room. Once inside he threw the sweater onto his bed. The euphoric moment he had experienced just a minute ago gone. 

...What was he thinking?

Het just made a total fool out of himself...Mingi knew for sure. He didn't know how much the other had seen. If he saw him digging through the clothes like a madman and saw him hugging/sniffing it. Ohhgod...Was he going to tell the others? Tell Seonghwa? 

No. He knew Seonghwa had an individual schedule today, and wouldn't be home till late...

He hoped mingi would keep this to himself..

A deep sigh left him..  
He actually was behaving quite weird.  
Why was he even doing this? He wasn't being courted nor was he claimed or mated. As a beta he actually didn't even need the alpha's sweater nor scent. Wooyoung only took it because of his omega instincts. "Wanting protection". He wasn't an omega. 

He stared at the sweater intensely.

Why was he so fixated on the stupid sweater? Was it because he liked Seonghwa?

It was weird, but it truly felt as if his protective lair was gone now he wasn't wearing it. 

after a while he grabbed a bag and stuffed some off his things inside. He was planning on going to the studio after he ate something. There was so much work he hadn't been able to finish the day before.

Once his bag was packed sweater included, he went downstairs. 

" Well..well sleeping beauty finally decided it was time to wake up"!

Yeosang said sarcastically. 

"Jeah"... Hongjoong shrugged at that comment and went to the kitchen.  
He wasn't in the mood for jokes as he was still worrying about the sweater/mingi incident. He noticed that he wasn't hungry at all so he decided to go with an apple. 

He took a bite out of it as he sat down the couch quietly. He hadn't even swallowed the first bite when his stomach decided to protest. He instantly felt nauseous. He stared at the apple in his hand.  
Yeosang was observing the elder.

Almost wanted to comment that the apple wasn't poisoned.  
(Bc of the sleeping beauty thing)

But decided not to as the elder clasped his hand over his nose and mouth.  
Was he not feeling well?

Hongjoong inhaled deeply through his nose and exhaled out the mouth a couple of times. Normally controlling his breathing would help, however when inhaling, the mix of all the scents combined only made it worse. Overwhelming his senses. 

Especially San's and Wooyoung's.The two were sitting at the opposite end of the couch and totally sucked up into their own little world. Cuddling and scenting each other. Normally it wouldn't have been a problem. But today was different. 

Them scenting each other made it even more intense. Too intense for Hongjoong. San's cinnamon scent combined with the cotton candy scent the omega was emitting, was a dangerous cocktail he couldn't handle right now. 

He covered his nose and mouth with his hand. 

"Why does it bother me so much"?

The alpha and omega looked towards Hongjoong as did the other members in the room.

"what bothers you"? 

He looked towards the couple in shock.  
Did he just say that out loud?

" Just... your scents".

They looked confused. "Care to explain what's wrong with our scents"? San asked a bit defensive.

"No, nothing wrong. But its bothering me".

"So, we are bothering you"? 

Hongjoong who didn't want to start a discussion with the alpha and omega ( who had just finished his heat the day before) didn't answer. 

"Now"? Wooyoung pressed further. 

The atmosphere in the room became tense. 

All eyes were on Hongjoong. 

"Well.." he started. 

" Honestly your scents do bother me, a lot. I dont know why but they are too strong. And I can't handle it right now. So, could you please stop scenting each other? Because I'm seriously getting nauseous".

As soon as the words had left his mouth. He looked down nervously. 

"Can't handle our scents"... San repeated after him. 

..."Yes"?

" I'll be gone in a few minutes. After you guys can do whatever you want". He added. 

But everything sounded so wrong. He cursed at himself inwardly for the choice of words. He should just have kept it to himself...

He was about to apologize for being to rude but wooyoung started talking before he could even do so.

" What the fuck is wrong with you lately? You normally don't complain about our scents. They are not that much stronger than usual. You went and sat your ass down there on your own free will. If it bothers you so much, I suggest you just leave" Wooyoung snapped back.

Hongjoong, who didn't expect that kind of reaction at all shot Wooyoung an angry look.

"What? I'm in the right here. He pointed his finger at Hongjoong, I don't get why he's nagging about our scents when he's just a beta". 

At that moment Wooyoung had crossed a line...

But before he could say anything Wooyoung went on.

"Yunho, tell me honestly. Does my scent bother you"?.

The other beta in the room shook his head. "No, not really... But I think both of you should stop it now".

Wooyoung ignored that request.

"See! Then. I really don't get why it should bother YOU that much. Huh"!

Hongjoong had enough of it. 

" Okey, since you want me to leave I will! But your scent has been stinking up the whole dorm because off your fucking heat, and it isn't pleasant. We always put up with it. Having to deal with you and all your needs. I had just one small request. Sorry to have offended your fucking omega pride"!. 

the people around the room gasped in shocked. 

Wooyoung's eyes where tearing up, he was on the verge of crying by now.  
In response to that San growled at Hongjoong while putting his arms around the omega in a protective manner.

And Jongho who hadn't said a word until now stood infront of the alpha and omega. He had called his name in a warning tone. Expecting hongjoong to apologize for his actions as always.  
Hongjoong felt a pang in his heart.  
Looking towards the other members he registered the disapproving looks that where all aimed at him.  
It was almost laughable... he saw how this was...they were all against him...choosing to console the omega. While he wasn't the only one in the wrong here. Even if he apologized now...no fuck that he's done apologizing al the time.

" Just fuck off, I'm done talking to you"! was the only thing Wooyoung said as he looked away seeking the comfort of his alpha.

As expected... no one would call the omega out for his behaviour.

"Hey guys! What did I mi- uh oh, what's going on"? 

"Nothing" Hongjoong spatted at the alpha as he walked out slamming the door shut. 

Silence...

Uhh...what was that all about?

Mingi asked confused. 

Yeosang spoke up. "A fight, and I'm not choosing sides here". 

"However this could have been handled more calmly" he looked towards the teary Wooyoung. Who just scoffed. 

"What"? "Can't I even cuddle after my heat anymore"? 

He chocked in a sob, never had Hongjoong said such hurtful words to him. 

"I have never seen Hongjoong raise his voice like that before, Yunho noted. Normally he is so calm and collected. But this just came out of nowhere". 

"Didn't he say that he had an deadline coming up"? 

"Ohh is that the reason why he's been acting weird? Especially this morning"? 

They all looked towards Mingi. 

"What do you mean"?

"Just now in the bathroom...no never mind, it's probably nothing". 

"Just to let you guys know, I'm not talking to him until he apologizes".

"Woo. Stop that, you know that we have dance practice in a few hours. You can't just ignore him".

"Ohh you wait and see".

\---

He was outside, and had slammed the door shut way harder than intended to. 

Tears rolled over his cheeks. After wiping them away a frown made its way on his face as he stared at his hands. He had been clenching his fists so hard that his nails had digged into his palms, leaving small wounds. 

Fuck all of them, especially Wooyoung.

As he walked away from the dorm he felt the wind whipping at his face. The cold winter breeze made his skin feel numb.

He shivered. Damn was it cold outside. He regretted not taking his coat with him. But he was to stubborn to go back inside just to get it.

Then something came to mind. He still had Seonghwa's sweater in his backpack. Lucky. 

It wasn't providing him enough warmth but at least it was better than nothing. 

He sighed and began walking his usual route to the studio at a fast pace. As he rounded a corner he unexpectedly bumped into someone. Losing his balance, het squinted his eyes shut, bracing himself for the impact. But it didn't come. 

"Woahh careful there, pup". A low husky voice said. 

Opening his eyes in surprise he was met with two dark brown almond eyes.  
The others face, merely an inch away from his.

To close...this was way to close. 

He then noticed the arms wrapped around his waist, holding him steady.  
He didn't know how fast he had to get out of the man's grip. 

He bowed in embarrassment.  
"I-i'm so sorry, I wasn't paying attention".

The man chuckled at the reaction. 

"No...That's okey, I don't mind a cutie like you bumping into me once in a while".

His eyes opened in shock as a hand unexpectedly patted him on the head. Before retreating it again.

Hongjoong raised his head to get a better look at the guy. The male was fairly good looking. Black hair, around 182 cm and well built. Maybe a couple of years older?.

Thats when a thick heavy leather scent hit him. An alpha. Taking a step back to get away from the stranger and his scent the man did the exact oppisite and stepped forward.

"Are you hurt anywhere"? His hand trailed along Hongjoong's shoulder to his upper arm slowly as an intense gaze was raking over his body. In response of the sudden touch hongjoong shuddered.

Was this guy checking up on him or checking him out?

Whichever it was. He didn't like it and definitely wasn't in the mood for it.

"I-I'm alright, thank you". 

He tried to be polite to the other but every growing second he felt more and more uncomfortable.

The alpha licked his lips.

"You sure, pup"? "You look a bit... pale"...

He cringed at the petname wanting to comment on it but decided just to let it slide. After all this man had saved him from falling head first onto the ground.

He shook the man's hand from his shoulder, who stood there with a puzzled look on his face. Then Hongjoong noticed where the alpha's eyes where focussed on... the sweater.

If he didn't already feel uncomfortable he sure did now. 

"Ehm. Anyways, thanks for catching me". 

...

"Ohh its really no problem...no problem at all..."

...

"I have to get going, goodbye". 

The man just nodded in response. 

Well... that was weird. 

As he walked away he glanced over his shoulder. To see that the alpha was still standing at the exact same spot, unmoving... facing him. Looking at him. 

That certainly was a bit weird...he shrugged as he picked up the pace not looking back again.

-

Once at the studio he began working on his song. About an hour had passed but he still hadn't managed to get anywhere. His mind kept wandering. 

He laid his head on the table. 

He had some time to think about the fight that took place. Admitting he was in the wrong as well he thought about the things he was going to say once he got back at the dorm. Where his members mad at him? Did he disappoint them? He had to apologize, however he expected an apology from Wooyoung as well. 

He was still an emotional mess at this point. Angry, sad and frustrated but also a bit guilty. Especially omega's take great pride in their scents. Heats aren't easy to handle either, even with a partner. Hongjoong knew he had seriously offended him. 

But hearing Wooyoung call him 'just' an beta and that he should 'just' put up with it. Those words had just hit him the wrong way. It sounded as if he was viewed lower because he was a beta. But maybe it was just him overthinking.

Still why did he act that way? Did the stress finally get to him?

He wasn't really looking forward to going back to the dorm yet. And he certainly wasn't ready to face his pack.

His eyelids became heavier with time. 

A short nap really wouldn't hurt right now...


	2. It hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! 
> 
> This chapter contains a detailed description of abuse, rape/ noncon.
> 
> Please don't read if you can't handle this stuff/ get triggered easily. 
> 
> I know this is really dark, and may be upsetting to read for some readers...so jeah.
> 
> If you decide to read, don't say I didn't warn ya.

Hongjoong stretched a bit. He felt so much better now he had slept a bit.

As he looked through window he noticed just how dark it was outside.

What time was it?

He instinctively reached with his hand for his back pocket but soon noticed he didn't have his phone on him...confused he looked around the room, and in his bag. But no sign of the device. He was sure he taken it with him. On second thought...maybe he had forgotten it since he was so hasty to get out of the dorm

He opened his laptop to be shocked to see that it was 22:47 pm. Meaning he had slept for more than 8 hours straight.

At least the headache was gone so that was good. He must have been really tired.

Normally he would always let his members know when he was on his way back. But he wasn't able to do so now.  
He cursed as he suddenly remembered the schedule of today. He had missed dance practice. And that was yet another thing his members could nag about when he got home he thought.

Grabbing his stuff he decided to go back to the dorm. Surely the others would be wondering where he had been all day. Especially after what had happened.

Once everything was packed he headed toward the front of the building. It was already cold when he left the dorm this morning but right now it was literally freezing. He hugged himself with his arms as his teeth started to chatter.

It was luckly only around a ten minute walk. He would survive that.

As he walked down the empty street his eyes where mostly on the road before him.

The streets where quiet at this hour...There was no one. The only sound to be heard apart from the chilling wind traveling past the builings where that of his own footsteps.

The streetlamps projected little circles of white light onto the empty sidewalk.

He had always been a little paranoid in the dark but he was trying to get over it. However not having the security of his phone made him even more anxious.  
Most of the time he would just call an uber. Especially at hours like these.But that was out of the question at this point.

As he was walking he heard a faint sound.  
Tap...tap..tap...tap...  
his heart jumped.

All senses were heightened as he listened closely trying to figure out what the sound was and where it came from. But it had disappeared.

He began walking a little faster while glancing behind him once in a while.

Maybe it was just his mind playing tricks on him. He laughed at himself. He was really just being to paranoid.

Tap...tap...tap...

Hongjoongs eyes went wide. There it was again.  
When he looked over his shoulder he could see the empty dark path he had walked before but still nothing.  
Terror mounted with every step as he felt his heart hammer in his chest.

He kept on walking but the same tapping sound didn't go away this time. The sound had joined the sound of his footsteps. Becoming more prominent and clearer every second that passed.

Footsteps. He was certain now. They where footsteps. W-was he being followed?

He just kept on walking, not daring to look behind him another time.

Stay calm and just keep on walking he tried to tell himself over and over again.  
Just stay c-

"Hey"...

Terrified he had stopped dead in his tracks as fear crept up his spine.

"Jeah you there"...a familiar voice spoke.

His head perked up as he turned around.  
he struggled to conceal his shock when not even seven meters behind him he saw...something... or rather someone. Standing behind a tree located near a streetlamp.

Clearly watching him.

He froze as the man creeped closer.

He anxiously he tried sniffing the air. But the wind was blowing in the wrong direction, making it hard to pick up any scent.

As the person came into the light...he noticed. He had seen this guy before.  
It was the same alpha from this morning.

The man put one of his hands into his pocket and pulled out an all to familiar object. A phone.

"Hi there pup...You dropped your phone this morning, thought I'd return it..."

Confused he looked at the phone in the others hand.  
What?  
Wait...it couldn't be. No he would definitely have heard his phone hit the ground if that was the case. He would have noticed right?

"Don't you want it back"?

The man smirked as he raised his hand, gesturing him to come closer.

Even though how weird it was he still wanted his phone...ignoring all the red flags going off he slowly walked towards the alpha. His mind was screaming to just turn around and run away but he didn't. 

Once in arm range the man offered him his phone which Hongjoong took. Checking the phone it was clearly his, but the battery was dead...

"Thank you for returning it to me".  
He said with a shaky voice, sounding way weaker than supposed to.

"I-its late and I-I uh have to go now" "I really appreciate you returning it".

He was about to turn around but the mans hand grabbed his wrist tightly.

"Not so fast...I waited for hours to return this to you. I want to be compensated".

What? Compensated?

"I'm sorry.. I don't have any money on me so I can't really compensate you right now".

There was an uncomfortable silence. The man let go of his wrist as it looked like he was thinking.

"Hmn don't worry...I guess you can compensate me in another way then".

The alpha licked his lips as the leather scent he was emitting got thicker...a smile crept across the man's face.

Even if the alpha hadn't said it Hongjoong knew exactly what he had meant. He could smell the others arousal clearly as he obviously didn't feel the need to hide it.

He swallowed as his mouth went completely dry.  
He shook his head as he took a couple of steps back. "No, I'm going now".

"Awh come on pup, I'll show you a good time...promise".

" N-no... I have an alpha" he blurted out. In hope the alpha would back off.

The man scoffed in response.

"You and I both know you don't have an alpha, Hongjoong".

His eyes widened with alarm.  
How did this man know his name? A fan?  
No. clearly this man was, a predator.

"That sweater... I know it's just your friends and"... the man sniffed. "You aren't scented".  
Hongjoong shook his head.

He didn't want to stay here even a second longer. Turning around he sprinted away as fast as he could.

"Ohh...pup don't run away, unless you want me to catch you again"?!!

This psycho was fucking crazy...

Run, just keep on running!!

After a while he was exhausted and out of breath. Taking short ragged breaths, his lungs and throat felt as if they were on fire.

The adrenaline pumping in his veins made him forget how to think straight. For how long had he been running? Where was he going? He did not know. But what he did know was that the pursuer was getting closer by the second.

He turned left twice and at the end of the street right.

But faith wasn't on his side today as he had hit a dead end. He knew he was fucked.

His hands laid on his knees. Out of breath from running to much he gasped for air.

"You sure are fast for such a small guy".

He spun around and was faced with the alpha.

His eyes darted from left to right...but there was no way out. He was trapped.

"S-stay away from me"!! He warned

However it didn't do anything, in fact the man had the most sickening grin plastered on his face.

Hongjoong was horrified. Each step the man made in his direction Hongjoong did one backwards, trying to get some distance between them. Until he couldn't go any further because of the the brick wall behind him.

"Don't be afraid now".

"I just want to have a bit of fun".

Hongjoong didn't know what to do. Scared he stood still where he was as the alpha stalked closer.

The man suddenly lunged forward wrapping his hands tightly around Hongjoongs throat making his head slam into the wall behind him in the process.  
His mouth was open letting out a silent chocked scream.

He struggled to free himself from the suffocating grip. But the alpha's strength was on a whole other level.

He tried hitting, kicking even scratching everyting to get the other off but with no avail. The grip around his throat only tightened.

Powerless he was utterly powerless.

"Sssst...little pup, we don't want anyone hearing now do we"?  
" after all this time, I've finally caught you".

He brought his head closer to Hongjoong ear and licked the shell making Hongjoong flinch at the touch. A desperate sob escaped his lips.

"Let me show you what an alpha can do".

The man's lips harshly clashed onto Hongjoongs. Petrified Hongjoong stood there, motionless as the alpha hungrily took what he wanted.

He closed his eyes tightly. N-no..He didn't want this, not like this. Not with this alpha. He had to get him off of him.

He mustered up all the courage and strength he had left and punched the alpha right across his jaw.

Making the others head whip slightly to the right. The man's hands loosened somewhat around Hongjoong throat, who gasped for air.

The man laughed as he had an bewildered look in his eyes.  
"Hmnn so we like it rough don't we"?

He manhandled Hongjoong to ground, pinning him down on his back with his weight.

"S-stop!! Get the fucking off of me".

However the alpha didn't listen.

He needed help... anyone. Please. He called out the only name that came to mind in midst of all the panic.

"Seonghwa"!!!

The alpha slapped Hongjoong.

The man looked into Hongjoongs eyes with anger as a deep growl was heard.

"I was going to treat you well and you're... calling out for another alpha"?!!  
"You, don't deserve it"...

Hongjoong whimpered as he felt fingers slide up his calf, wrapping around his hip harshly. While the other hand had pinned his arms above his head with a steel grip.

"But don't worry, I'll make you forget about him".

The man ripped hongjoongs pants and boxers down in one go. 

Hongjoongs eyes went wide. NO...Please god don't.

The man lowered his own pants and took his throbbing hard cock out of his boxers.

"Look what you did to me baby"..."making your alpha so exited".

Hongjoong was full on sobbing at this point, pleading the man to have mercy on him.

"Now, be good and take responsibility for it"...

Without any waring the alpha's spread Hongjoongs legs harshly settling his body in between them. Hongjoong screamed as he tried to squirm away from the alpha's bruising grip but he couldn't.

"No, don't...please don't. Let me go"!!

Then Hongjoong felt it...the tip of the alpha's cock. Pushing in. Without any preparation or lube the alpha thrust in hard, shoving his whole cock inside in one go.

Hongjoong screamed as he was being penetrated roughly. But it was muffled by the others mouth on his.   
Blocking most of the sound from comming out.

"Ohh my god, baby ah... you're so warm and so...so tight! for me. Only for me".  
"Damn I must be your first"!?

Words didn't even register anymore at this point.

He alpha instantly began trusting in and out in a brutal pace, destroying the youngers body in the process.

The pain was excruciating...

He desperately tried to push the other off as tears where streaming down his face. He was whimpering, crying out for the alpha to stop. For the pain to stop But it didn't... In fact the alpha only began pounded harder and harder into the boy. As if the youngers plea's encouraged him, turned him on even more. 

After a while hongjoong just didn't have any strength left to fight. He couldn't get away from this nor would anyone help him.  
So he just laid still, eyes closed as he let the alpha do as he wished...hoping this horrible nightmare would be over soon. 

The sound of slapping in combination with the alpha's moans and grunts echoed through the alleyway.

"Ohh, yes..baby Oh..Im so..ah..so close".

The alpha took a hold of Hongjoong legs spreading them even further apart to gain more access for a better position. Pumping in as deep and hard as he could.

"I'm Yes..oH I'm coming!! Take it, take it all! Fuck. Fuck...ohhhOOHhH!!

The man's thrust became fast and uneven as a knot was beginning to form at the base of the cock. The alpha's pushed everything in to instantly let his growing knot slide out again. This went on until it almost got caught on the rim.

Before that happened the alpha took it out completely stroking himself for a little while, only to push his cock back inside with a now fully grown knot... burying himself as deep in the small body as he could. Knot ripping the skin in the process as it was to big to enter. Making hongjoongs inside stretch out to a point where he couldn't handle it anymore. He was literally being split open as the knot kept pushing and pushing. Agonizing cries where heard.  
His lower body was now being held off the ground, as the alpha pulled their bodies closer and closer as the knot went deeper.

Once the alpha bottomed out he was still holding the youngers hips tightly, preventing him from moving an inch while buried inside.

Every little movement the alpha made send excruciating pain shooting up hongjoongs spine. Making the smaller boy whimper. His head fell back against the cold ground. 

The alpha who hovered over him was sucking and biting harshly at the skin of hongjoongs neck and upper body leaving marks behind.

"Baby you're such a good boy... taking my knot".

"Can't believe I'm pumping all of my seed into you".

The man's hand softly stroked hongjoong now bloated belly as the other traveled back along the thighs to hongjoongs cheeks spreading them. Seeing his cock fully seated inside of the other he grinned at the sight. Tenderly touching the painfull red skin around it.

"How beautiful, we're all connected"..

He experimentally tugged a bit making the knot move as the boy cried out.

"Your body wants this... craves for this pup".

"Knotting isn't something I normally do with an unpresented such as you. But I could already smell it. Your wolf...it was calling out for an alpha"..."to breed you".

Hongjoong stared up at the night sky with unfocussed eyes as he felt something cold touched his face.  
Rain was slowly falling down. As if the sky who had witnessed everything was crying for him. 

The alpha suddenly began to push and pull hard making the knot move against the thight walls.

"Ahh good boy"  
"Yes t-this is the best"  
The knot teared through the walls with every trust.

"I-I always wanted to try fucking s-someone with a knot...oh God yes"!!!

The alpha turned hongjoong around so he was now laying flat on his belly. Crushing the boy as he let his full weight come down on the smaller again the alpha's hips moved in a snapping motion making the other jut forward every time he alpha pumped his knot inside of him. 

"Got to get the seed further into you pup".  
A weak cry was heard from the now barely conscious boy.  
"Thats more like it"!!  
"Yes pup you're doing so well".

The alpha tugged really hard making the knot come out all the way before thrusting it back inside again. Now in a slower motion he made sure to push extra hard every time he bottomed out. Breeding hongjoong as deep as he could he almost dragged the younger back and forth on the ground. but the alpha's grip kept hongjoong into place, preventing him from moving.

"Ahhh, your hole is even better than any omega I've ever had".  
"Pup you're so good for your alpha"!

A hand traveled down, now stroking Hongjoongs cock, which reacted to the touch.

Pain, pleasure, disgust everyting came at once.  
The alpha was still thrusting his knot in and out mercilessly as he stroked the youngers cock at the same pace.

"You're body is getting used to my knot..so well. As it should."  
"Good boy"  
"Cum for your alpha".

The alpha went to full on biting the skin around hongjoongs neck and shoulders avoiding the glands leaving behind painfull bite marks.

Moans left Hongjoong's lips. He didn't even know if it was from the pain or pleasure anymore but his body was acting on its own.  
Before he knew it he came, cum landing on himself as he shaked violently.

"Good boy"..."you did so well little pup" "all for alpha".

Moving Hongjoong again like a ragged doll the younger was now on his back again.They both laid still for a short while in utterly silence. The alpha who was on top of him still had his knot inside of hongjoong.

It felt like an eternity...

While the alpha was touching every part of his body, whispering praises into his ears hongjoong stared unfocussed at the now visible moon high in the sky. His thoughts focused on one thing.

home.

After about twenty more minutes the alpha's knot slunk and the man pulled out completely. Cum was trying to spill out of the younger but before it had the chance to do so it was stopped when something big was inserted inside of him forcefully. However the smaller boy didn't react to it at all.

"A little farewell present" the man snickered..."Don't want it all to go to waste would we"?

The man tapped Hongjoong's cheek a couple of times. Hongjoong however didn't respond anymore.

After some time the alpha just stood up and left the small unconscious boy behind.

"Thanks for the good time pup".

Turning around he walked away never to be seen again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cry for hongjoong T-T  
> Will he able to get through this traumatic experience? :')  
> He's been through alot and there could be more comming. I honestly feel kinda bad for him.
> 
> Next chapter is currently in the make ^-^


	3. I’m gonna be oké

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:  
> This chapter contains detailed descriptions of Hurt, blood/gore, Self-harm, self-hate, angst.  
> If these topics trigger you please do not proceed!

By the time Hongjoong came to he could barely move. Slow swallow breaths left the boy as the light of the moon softly shined upon him. He had been going in and out of consciousness for some time now.

His unclothed unprotected body was still laying on the cold wet ground as the soft rain from before had completely drenched it...the constant wind had removed his body heat by carrying away the thin layer of warm air at the surface of his skin.  
His body shivered violently as it was rapidly loosing it’s heat.  
It was trying hard not to shut down due to hypothermia and the trauma it had to endure not only a couple hours prior.

Hongjoong however wasn’t in much pain. Everything at this point just felt numb, and he was thankful for it in some way. His limbs would hardly move as the bloodflow had reduced to such a point that he just didn’t feel them anymore. He knew it was his body’s attempt to save body heat and keep his internal organs working. He was in really bad shape.

  
His head fell to the side as he took in his surroundings. He was alone in this dark, secluded alleyway...it was still middle in the night and not a soul would think of coming here. Even if he tried calling for help he knew no one would hear.

  
He was just so tired. He wanted to close his eyes again and finish the beautiful dream he was having. He wanted it to take him to somewhere else, a happy place. Somewhere that wasn’t here. He knew that would happen, if only he was willing to give up on everything he had in this world.

If he didn’t move the cold that was slowly overtaking his body would eventually freeze him to death. And that idea sounded tempting. His mind was fighting against itself. Debating what to do at this point. But as he had just closed his eyes shut again he saw the faces of his members flashing by. Worried as to why he hadn’t come back. Crying...as they had just gotten a phonecall from the police. Devastated...they where devastated. Because he had left them... He H-he Couldn’t die, not like this. They couldn’t find him in this state. He had to get up. He needed to get up.  
H-he wanted to go home. To his pack, his family.

Minutes had passed as he tried to get his body to move. After a lot of attempts he finally managed to push himself off the freezing ground. Groaning when pain was shooting through his entire body. He took shaky breaths as he slowly gatherer his scattered clothes. He had closed his eyes shut a couple of times holding onto the walls as dizziness hit him. He had very low energy at this point and had to push himself to his limits even if he knew his body was crying out to him it already was.

Putting his pants on he had reached his hand behind but stopped when fear pulsed through him as he touched ‘it’. T-there was something inside of him...He couldn’t see it but definitely felt it. He had a vague idea of what it could be but he didn’t want to think about it now. He couldn’t even recall the memory of this since he had passed out.

In fear of more pain he decided not to touch the thing that the rapist had shoved inside of him. He couldn't find the courage nor strength to remove it.  
He wanted it gone. Badly. Keeping it inside would feel as if he was accepting everything that had happened. But taking it out right now would mean more pain and...Everything that was now kept inside would have to come out. For everyone to see. No... he didn't want that. So he decided to ignore it for now.

He took the phone that was located in his pocket...but remembered the battery had been dead for a while.

What was he even trying to do? Would he call his members to let them know where he was? Where he had been all those hours? Ask for them to pick him up from some alleyway in the middle of the night only to reveal the broken state he was in?  
No, he couldn’t do that.

He had to get home on his own accord.

He limped back to the dorm slowly while holding onto the walls to keep himself from falling. Walking itself was torture, concentrated on every wobbly step he took he braced himself for the next one while gritting his teeth. It felt like an eternity had passed until the familiar building finally came into view.

Once standing infront of the dorm he reached for his keys. Opening the frontdoor with shaky hands he went inside.

There he was welcomed by warmth and familiar scents...He was home.

-

Not wanting to waste a second he went upstairs and into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He hoped he hadn’t woken anyone up. He tried his best not to make to much sounds. He couldn’t let anyone see him like this. He wouldn’t.

He slumped back against the wooden door, letting out a deep breath he had been holding.  
Everything felt gross. He was still wearing seonghwa's favorite sweater. The sweater he had previously felt so save in, he looked at it with disgust now. The only scent it was now holding...that of his rapist. It was stained, just like him.

Almost ripping the clothes off and dumping them into the trashcan he looked into the mirror to be met with his own reflection. His eyes red from crying, face drained of any color, neck full of dark purple spots and bite marks. Bruises...so many bruises. On his neck, wrists, hips and thighs... in the form of handprints. As if the alpha’s hands where still on him even if he was no longer there. His throat painfull everytime he swallowed.

Hongjoong no longer knew the boy that was staring right back at him.  
This...wasn’t him.

He couldn’t look this...broken  
He wanted to look away, but it was as if he was in some kind of trance having no control over himself anymore. He traced every mark the alpha had made with his eyes as memories flooded his mind again...

“Your wolf wanted this”,

“No”...

“For alpha to breed you”

“Get out of my head”

he whimpered, hands reached his ears in attempt to stop the voice from talking. But it didn’t...it wouldn’t stop.

“You did so well pup, taking all my cum”.

He looked up and then he saw...the reflection. It was smiling at him as the eyes held his own

His hands trailed his face in a panic but h-he wasn’t smiling...He wasn’t! Who was it then? In the mirror staring back at him...

The mouth of the reflection began to move but no sound was heard. Hongjoong eyes grew in horror as he had read the words the lips had spoken.

“You finally got what you wanted”.

He suddenly felt nauseous. Having the urge to puke he knelt, hands bracing the wall, eyes  
watering. He groaned as he crawled his way to the toilet and leaned over the toilet seat eyes closed shut.  
His stomach clenched in pain as bile made its way out...

After god knows how long he finally stood up avoiding to look towards the mirror as he walked past it. Turning on the shower he flinched a bit as warm water hit his bruised body. He welcomed it with open arms. Hoping it would wash away not only filth but also the memories of today.

After he took some time to prepare his mind he reached behind him to touch the thing that was still seated inside. He was to afraid to think about this before but he knew...what it was.

He clenched his jaw and took a hold of the base..and carefully tugged a bit. But what he felt was indescribable. He bit his tong harshly trying to hold back a cry. The last thing he wanted was to wake up his pack alerting them something was wrong.

Not knowing what to do he was beginning to panic. What if it was stuck? What would he do?

He tried to even out his breathing. He knew he needed to stay calm.

Squatting down he tried to relax as he knew that would help. but relaxing was easier said than done. He was far from relaxed. He was tense and worried about getting it out... his muscles where sour and more tighter and that ment more resistance to contend with.

He took a few deep breaths and exhaled through his mouth and began to gently pull it downwards. Trying to keep breathing while removing it. The combination of downward force and pulling slowly on the base should be enough to slide the object out of position. But it didn't go as easy as thought...It was literal hell all over again. He was positive his insides where counteracting, trying to hold on to it while he wanted it out desperately. In the end he had almost ripped it out as an act of panic making the already torn skin tear even further.

He fell down on his hands and knees as his head hung low. Breathing heavily, dark spots appeared infront of his eyes blocking his vision for a while.  
It was finally out. Looking at the object besides him on the ground, covered in blood he knew what it was...

He had once gone into Wooyoungs room in search of the hoody the omega had stolen from him. While looking around he had found the omega's sex toys stuffed inside a box in the closet. Being curious he took a look inside. There among the various dildo's and vibrators there was...a buttplug.  
It was the same kind of plug that had been inside of him... one designed especially for omega’s. Which was a similar size as an knot...

And the one he was holding was the same if not bigger than the one he had once seen. It was truly sickening...  
A great amount of cum and blood tickled down his thighs onto the ground as if there was no end to it. Disappearing down the drain together with the water.

His hands reached for the soap. Scrubbing his skin as hard as he could to get rid of the scent that's soaked into it. Red from the abuse of his own hands it was almost breaking from the friction.

“Get it away...fucking...get it off. I have to get it off” He whispered to himself. No mater how much he scrubbed and scratched it was as if the scent was permanently stuck.

  
He eventually turned the temperature higher and higher until the water was so hot it made the skin on his neck, shoulders and back scald. Exactly as he wanted...to destroy the skin itself as it equaled destroying the scent...

Tears tickled over his cheeks as he stifled. It was only a bit more pain, he could endure this.  
Holding himself under the hot shower as long as he could choked sobs tried to escape from his mouth, but where stilled by his own hands.

He couldn't cry... he had to stay strong.

When he finally turned off the shower the leather scent was completely gone.  
A slight smile made it’s way on his face...it was going to be oké now.

All he had to do was hide his wounds until they had healed and keep silent about this. That wouldn’t be so hard right?

-  
Seonghwa's pov:

It had been a busy day. He was currently in the car on his way back to the dorm. He would arrive around 16:15 so he had 15 minutes to get changed into his workout clothes. At 16:30 the group would have dance practice and he wasn’t looking forward to it at all.  
He wanted to spend his evening cleaning up a because when he left this morning the dorm was a mess. No one besides him would even think about cleaning up a bit, so he took this task upon himself. But since they had dance practice today he would probably clean tomorrow.

Once arrived at the dorm he instantly noticed the atmosphere was tense. Members all looking towards him with a guilty look on their faces.

What's wrong?

Before he knew it all members where speaking at the same time. He couldn't make out a thing.  
"Guys one at the time please". I can't understand like this.

He turned to Yunho who answered. "Wooyoung and Hongjoong had a bit of a fight. Hongjoong went out but hasn't come back yet".

He raised an eyebrow. “Is that so”?

The others nodded.

"He isn't responding to our messages either".

"Maybe he just needs some alone time"?

"But still... "

Seonghwa wasn't to bothered. He didn't know what the fight was all about, but to anger Hongjoong. Someone must have gone way over the line. He had seen the beta irritated before but never mad. He was kind of disappointed he couldn't have been there to see it go down. He was curious, because the beta rarely showed his feelings like that.

In the end Hongjoong didn't show up at practice.

Hours had passed but still no sign of Hongjoong. Seonghwa tried calling him multiple times but he didn't pick up nor did any of the text seem to reach the beta. The other members where from being annoyed to worried. Himself included.

Where was he?

Something clicked.

“Guys, maybe he's just at the studio”?

Everyone calmed down a bit.

"Now you mentioned it, he had a project he was working on". Jongho said.

" And thinking about it. Where else would he even go"?

"There you have a point. let's just wait a bit longer".

But hongjoong didn't return. Everyone obviously thought he was at the studio. But Seonghwa's couldn't shake the feeling that something was definitely off.  
He eventually decided to go to bed as well. There he laid wide awake. Thinking...

Hongjoong would always let him know where he was and when he would be on his way back... And for the younger to miss practice. It was just weird.

It was when he heard the frontdoor opening and the soft footsteps on the stairs that his nerves settled down a bit.

He followed the sound a bit when he heard the boy walk past their shared room into the bathroom.  
Debating if he should get up to confront  
the beta he decided not to when he heard the shower running.

It took a long time for the boy to come out of the bathroom. When the door opened and hongjoong shuffled inside silently trying not to wake up the latter. Seonghwa smiled at that.

Somehow the boy was struggling to find his clothes. Digging through his closet. It was obviously to dark for anyone to see.

"Hey you're back"

He could clearly see the boys frame, that instantly stopped moving. He had startled him.

It was silent for a while. So he sat up in bed and squinted his eyes to get a better look.

"Hongjoong"?

...

"Jeah"?

"Do you want me to turn on a light"? "You seem to be struggling over there"

His hands where already on the way to his nightstand where his lamp was located.

"NONONO"!  
"You don't have to".

He stilted, not expecting hongjoong to raise his voice. It sounded weird. hoarse?

He was just staring...at the beta's silhouet.  
That flew into action and pulled what looked like a shirt over his upper body hastily.

He flickered on the light. To be met with a fully dressed hongjoong looking at him af if he had almost caught him or something.

He scanned the boy who was wearing a turtleneck.  
Hongjoong wasn't even looking back at him. And walked straight to his bed to dissappear under the safety of his own blankets.

Seonghwa laid his head down on his pillow.

"I've seen you naked more than once hongjoong and now you're shy"? he laughed.

"I told you that you didn't have to put the light on hongjoong said with a harsh tone".

"Hongjoong, is there something wrong"?

But he got no response.

"If it's about the fight with wooyoung, you know he doesn't stay mad for a long time" "you guys just have to apologize or something and the problem is fixed".

"Jeah, I'll do that".  
He softly heard hongjoong say from the other side of the room.

He put out the light and darkness filled the room again.  
Cleary Hongjoong didn’t want to talk about it, as expected. So he didn’t push it. They didn't have anything on their schedule for two days since it was weekend. So maybe the pack could spend some time together? He was sure the two would make up tomorrow as no one in the pack liked fights at all.

He knew everyone was stressed out by the comeback so having a couple of days off was exactly what they needed.

He had turned around and closed his eyes.

"Good night Hongjoong".

But the beta didn't respond. He was probably already asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its a short chapter, have a lot of work but will be free tomorrow, I hope to be able to write the next chapter then :))
> 
> \+ will be editing chapters to take out the errors.


	4. The day after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been really stressed out about stuff at my work so I ended up writing this chapter last night 🤣. I decided to upload it but may correct certain parts later on!

He laid as still as possible as he stared at the white wall in front of him. 

From a distance it seemed as if he was relaxed, just enjoining his morning like he usually would, but it was the exact opposite.

He was thinking, about everything. Playing the exact same scenes inside his head over and over again. Judging...every move he had made, every word he had spoken.  
Could he have prevented this?  
If only he had ran harder or fought back more maybe this wouldn't have happened. If only he hadn't had a fight with his members... if he hadn't gone to the studio yesterday. This would not have happened. 

Or...maybe it would, But on another day another time? These thoughts crossed his mind endlessly.

He couldn't reverse the things that had already happened but he was blaming himself for it.

He got the attention he wanted so badly right? 

It was as if the devil had heard his selfish wishes. And those wishes where answered. He had send out a monster to give him exactly what he asked for in the worst way possible.

He didn't know if he had to laugh or cry at this point. The thing he had wanted and craved so badly...To be touched.  
The thought if it now made his skin crawl. 

If his body wasn't hurting so badly it had almost seem like a bad dream but it wasn't. 

He had let this all happen and now he had to deal with it.  
He... had deserved this punishment.

-

He knew he had to get out of bed. The others would worry otherwise, thinking he would be sick, increasing the chance of them noticing something was seriously wrong with him. He had to avoid that at all costs.

But after what he went through he felt like shit. He knew it was best if he went to a hospital for a checkup to see if he was oke or not. Although he already knew the answer to that. 

But the idea of anyone looking at his disgusting body made him want to puke al over again. Above all he feared the reactions he would get. He knew the doctors and nurses would talk about him behind his back. They would ask him questions. Questions he did not want to answer.

The fact that he was an idol made it even more complicated. If any information where to leak to the media Ateez would definitely be done for.

They would be known as the group with the member that got raped.  
People would either look at him with pity or disgust. No. He didn't wat that.  
So his choice was easily made.  
No hospitals. 

He got himself up from his bed slowly, hissing as his body was protesting. Walking towards the door he locked it. Seonghwa's was already up as always. Having the room for himself he took the time to search for clothes that would hide practically everything.

Lucky he had a few outfits that would do the task.

As he was undressing he did his best not to look at his body to much, but the skin on his shoulders and back was burning. His face turned to disgust as he noticed the amount of blisters on top of all the other wounds, cuts and bruises on his body. It looked just hideous. 

No longer wanting to see it he covered up as fast as he could. Almost dressed the doorhandle suddenly moved a few times. But the person on the other side of the door couldn't come in as it was locked.

A soft knock was heard.  
He already smelled the alpha before he saw him. The scent of bonfire, made him instantly tense up. 

"W-who is there"? 

" Uh Jongho? who else do you think"? 

Of course he knew...but hearing the others voice made his nerves settle down a bit. 

Slowly walking towards the door he unlocked it with sweaty hands. Mind sending him two signals. One was to hide from the potentially dangerous alpha other telling him it was just his packmate...he had nothing to be afraid off. He knew. Jongho would never do anything to him. 

The door opened to reveal the alpha who was rubbing his hand at the back of his neck. 

"I wanted to call you downstairs for breakfast".

Hongjoong tried to look the other in the eyes but wavered.

"Tell the others I'll be there in a sec".

He looked down at his hands which where shaking. He decided hide them behind his back before the alpha could notice anything.

"Oh oke, see you in a bit then".

Closing the door again a deep sigh left his lips.  
He needed to prepare his heart before he went downstairs.  
But how? He wasn't even able to look their youngest member into his eyes.  
Because he was an alpha... 

He really was the worst, comparing his packmate to that monster.

"Keep it together" he whispered to himself.

Opening the door he went downstairs.  
Once there he noticed that he was the last one to arrive. Everyone was chatting with one another other while eating the food (that Seonghwa probably prepared).

There was a seat available in between Yunho and Yeosang. He sighed of relief knowing it wasn't next to any of the alpha's.  
As he sat down on his chair he couldn't stop himself from wincing a bit as he involuntary tried to move away from it again. But he knew he couldn't so he sat himself down even if it was painful.

San who was sitting in front of him had looked up as he had heard the small sound hongjoong had made. He was silently observing the elder while eating, eyes never leaving him.  
Had he noticed something?

Hongjoong reached for one of the croissants as he tried to ignore the obvious stare.  
He didn't want to eat. But if he didn't it would raise concerns. Especially san was good at picking up small changes in others. He knew he had to be carefully around this alpha. 

"Where were you yesterday"?  
His head shot up as he anxiously looked towards San.

"Jeah! you totally missed dance practice" Mingi added. 

"I-i uh went to the studio, and fell asleep" "I'm sorry".

Wooyoung looked up and snorted. "Told you guys, there was nothing to worry about"! 

Hongjoong and Wooyoung stared at each other for a moment. An awkward silence filled the room as the other members watched this silent exchange.  
Hongjoong didn't say anything but words raged through his head. He wanted to tell the omega how wrong he was.  
But didn't. 

Hongjoong looked away and focused on finishing his croissant when Seonghwa spoke up.

"Can you guys please talk it out, say sorry and get over it? Because this is to frustrating to watch".

He had completely forgotten about their little fight yesterday. He didn't even care about it anymore as he had bigger problems at the moment. But seeing his members facial expressions it looked like they wanted this problem to be solved, and fast. He couldn't even remember what it was about anymore. It was as if certain parts in his memories had been erased .  
He tried to recollect them but knew he had completely forgotten about anything that had happened before the attack. 

What had he even been so mad about in the first place?

Either way he had to fix this...

"I'm sorry about yesterday Wooyoung".  
Wooyoung's head shot up however he didn't accept his apology as he looked the other into his eyes with an indifferent look.

"You're not sorry for what you said".

Hongjoong frowned at that. 

"I'm not going to forgive you just because you said sorry to me". 

"Wooyoung"...

"No Seonghwa! Aren't you mad at him as well? All of us stayed up until late, worrying about him and he...was just chilling at his studio. I guess the thought of letting us know where he was didn't cross his mind once"!?

"N-no it wasn't like that".

"Why did you even come back this late then"? 

...

"Perhaps...you where with someone else"?  
Hongjoong's mouth slightly dropped open as his eyes widened

He was at a total loss for words.  
In fact he had been with an Alpha. Not that he wanted to. But that alpha had done things to him that would be considered unacceptable in any pack. He hadn't thought about this, but if they ever knew about his secret. There's a big chance he would get shunned. He would rather die then for that to happen.

"Wooyoung stop asking questions like that! it sounds like an interrogation".

"But Yunho".

"Yunho is right Wooyoung". 

Wooyoung turned towards Mingi and pouted but didn't say any more.

"Hongjoong, are you oke"? 

Everyone was turning towards Yeosang who was facing Hongjoong. However the beta didn't respond as he was trying his best to hide the panic he was experiencing.  
However his breathing picked up rapidly.  
Memories form the day before suddenly flashed past him...as he heard wooyoungs question over and over again. 

"No"..."I wasn't"...

The voices around him became muffled and surroundings disappeared. He could clearly see the alpha's face. Feel his touch...hear his whispers.

"Yes you were, little pup"...

He had to lie... H-he could not answer this question honestly. But what would he say?

In the midst of his internal panic a voice instantly pulled him out of it.

"Joong"?  
"Hongjoong"!?

Shocked he looked up to be met with Seonghwa who was sitting besides him now. The alpha rested his hand down on the nape of Hongjoong's neck who visibly flinched at the painful touch. Seonghwa looked surprised as he hadn't expected that response.

"I-i'm s-sorry"!

"Joong" look at me...

Collecting all his willpower he looked Seonghwa in his eyes. 

"Are you okey"?

(No he wasn't) 

"Y-yes sorry I was spacing out a bit wasn't I"?

He laughed awkwardly as he ran his hand through his hair.

"A bit?". Yeosang replied. 

"Hmn I'm just really tired, I haven't slept well in a while". " And I accidentally fell asleep yesterday". "When I woke up the battery of my phone was dead so I couldn't contact you I'm sorry". 

"So thats why we couldn't reach you".

"Jeah".

"Oke that explains everything".  
Seonghwa stood up and went to his own seat again.

He had dodged a bullet...

After a while he stood up.  
"I'm full, thanks for breakfast" and went upstairs again.

Seonghwa looked around "Something is definitely going on with Hongjoong".

"I know man, he was really out of it just now".

"Don't you think we're to hard on him"? Seonghwa looked towards Wooyoung.

"He's been really stressed out lately" Yunho said.

The pack alpha agreed as his gaze was still holding the omega's.

"Why would you even consider something like that?, hongjoong is a part of our pack".

"I...It's just, that he never shows any affection towards us".

"Wooyoung you know just as well as everyone that Hongjoong doesn't like psychical contact".

"But Yunho and Yeosang are beta's as well, and they're completely different".

"Exactly. Everyone is different! So we have to respect each other for that".  
Wooyoung was sulking now.

"The last question you asked was really not okey Wooyoung" don't you trust Joong"? Mingi asked.

At that moment he realized how wrong it had been.

"Of course I trust him"!  
" I-I'm sorry".

"That's not something you need to say to us".

Wooyoung felt so ashamed. He knew that the question was absurd and that he had hurt Hongjoong. It sounded like he distrusted the other while he had no reason to.

"I'll go to him, I need to apologize". He was about to stand up but was stopped when San took a hold of his wrist, pulling him back onto the chair.  
"Just leave him alone for now".

"But..what do I do? I made everything worse ".  
"True, but just make sure to apologize when he comes downstairs".

Everyone agreed on that.  
...

It was silent for a while but seonghwa didn't want to dwell on it for to long.  
Seeing the guilty look displaying on Wooyoung face he didn't feel the need to punish the omega any more. He knew the other was thinking hard about the whole situation. And he trusted it would be sorted out soon. 

He looked around the room and raised one of his eyebrows.

"Oké guys since we have some free time, how about we...

clean the dorm today"?

"What"!?  
"No I don't want to"....  
"the whole dorm"?

"Do we even have a choice here"?

"No, not really, so lets get started right away".

-

After most of the cleaning was done Seonghwa decided to do the laundry. Clothes had been piling up for days now but he didn't have the time to wash them since he had been to occupied.

Sometimes he felt as if he was some sort a mom around the house doing all the chores. But it was oké. Cleaning calmed his mind and he liked cooking as he wanted feed his pack.  
(If he didn't they would probably eat fastfood everyday).

Some people told him this behavior is really omega like. But he didn't care nor try to fit those traditional alpha/beta/omega stereotypes. Yes he was an alpha, but also a person. And he liked to clean and cook. 

Once in the bathroom he was pleasantly surprised to see that the bin was completely empty.  
Not even once had anyone done the laundry except for the times Seonghwa had told them to do so.  
Seeing everything clean in the washing machine was even more of a surprise.  
Taking everything out to put it in the dry cleaner he noticed his sweater was missing. Not any sweater...his favorite.  
He frowned.  
He was sure he had put it in there.

Walking downstairs he asked the members if they knew where it went when Mingi answered.  
"I think I saw Hongjoong wearing it yesterday".

His heart jumped.

"What"?

Mingi shrugged. 

"Believe it or not but Hongjoong literally searched for that sweater yesterday".

Mingi felt kinda bad for exposing the elder. But on the other hand...he shipped the two of them. He never missed the way their eyes lingered on each other. So, this may help the two eventually?

"Ohh really? You aren't making stuff up right"? San's asked. Now interested in the conversation. 

"No! I saw it with my own two eyes"!

Seonghwa didn't get it. Why would Hongjoong want to wear his sweater?  
Actually, the thought of the younger wearing it made his alpha happy if he was being honest. He could already picture Hongjoong's small frame, drowning in the oversized sweater, sleeves being to long for his short arms. 

His own scent... lingering on the beta.

He kinda liked the idea of it.

He had always refrained himself from scenting the younger, even though he had always wanted to. 

There was always this need let others know hongjoong was part of his pack...hoping they would think he was claimed. He always noticed the way other alpha's looked at the younger. Interested eyes always directed towards him where ever he went. 

He unconsciously glared at anyone who would even think of approaching the beta. Scaring them off in the process. Making him sigh of relief and victory every single time.

At first he didn't notice this behavior.  
Not until... he was having a complete stare off with another alpha that showed signs of interest in Hongjoong. Mingi had whispered to him to "Calm the fuck down", because it wasn't exactly the place nor time for it. Since they were on a show. 

He was completely caught off guard as he had faced Mingi with a questioning look. Mingi just laughed and told him to watch the video when it came out. Which he did. 

He almost lost it as he saw... himself. The way he looked towards the other alpha.  
As if screaming to the other:"Take one step in Hongjoong's direction and I'll rip your head off".

It had surprised and confused him a lot. He had shooked his head in disapproval. He had to get his instincts under control, so since that day he tried to tone it down. But it sure got him thinking a lot. About the feelings he held for his pack mate. 

-

Where was his sweater even? He hadn't seen Hongjoong wearing it either. 

After searching for it for a while he just gave up. He couldn't find it. Maybe it was still in Hongjoongs possession?  
He didn't want to disturb the younger, so would just have to ask him for it later on.

A couple of hours had passed and the entire dorm was cleaned up. The only thing left to do was to throw away the trash.  
"San, do you want to throw it away "?

"Uh no, but I can't really decline our head alpha's request now can I"? He asked jokingly as he lifted the two bags. 

Seonghwa rolled his eyes as he laughed at the remark.

After they where done the members deciding to watch a movie together.

A couple of minutes had passed until san returned, but his mood somehow had completely changed.  
The other members where busy figuring out what movie they wanted to watch but Seonghwa had noticed the change right away.  
"What's wrong"? 

San looked troubled but shook his head as he mustered up a small smile that didn't reach his eyes  
"No, it's nothing".

Wooyoung called out to San to come join him on the couch, hand patting the empty space next to him. But San declined.  
Only muttering "I'll join you guys later" before going upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> San? Why ru going upstairs!?
> 
> Btw Seonghwa is actually such a protective alpha. If only Hongjoong knew :'))


	5. Disgusting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note: hsjzhssh I had already written the next couple of chapters but now I'm re-writing them again since I came up with other ideas for this chapter. And they don't line up anymore. I always end up going into other directions than planned sigh :') But jeah enjoy 🤣

He had fucked up badly...

Hongjoong didn't know how fast he had to get out of there as he almost ran upstairs. 

Once on the 1st floor he regretted his decision right away as a shooting pain was felt through his entire body. His eyes suddenly widened in fear as he looked down.

He walked towards the bathroom, there he hastily unclothed his lower body.

"Shit"...

His boxer was completely stained...with blood.  
His hand traveled down to reach the part where it came from. Touching the skin carefully, he whimpered as he retreated it holding it up again as he watched in shock.  
His vingers where completely coated in the red liquid. As it was trailing down his hand, a wave of nausea hit him. 

The wounds that didn't even have the time to heal had opened again. All due to his carelessness.  
He hastily wiped all the blood off and threw the boxers away. 

His shirt sat uncomfortable against his skin. Even the smallest friction the shirt made on his skin had him almost gasping. He didn't even dare taking it off. As he knew what disgusting secrets where hidden underneath there. He didn't want to deal with it. So he pretended that if he couldn't see it, it wasn't there at all. Again he knew that wasn't how it worked. But he was to afraid something was horrible wrong. To afraid his body was failing to heal the wounds that where inflicted on him...

Once he had cleaned him self up he rummaged through the cupboards looking for the strongest painkillers he could find. 

He held a couple of pills in his hand. He knew these were mostly used when Wooyoung went into heat. To make the pain more bearable. But since the omega always had a partner during those times he rarely took them.  
Hongjoong got himself some water and swallowed the pills down in one go.

He didn't want to suffer anymore. He had barely been able to sleep last night as he had tried his best to keep completely still. Enduring the pain that never seemed to end.

Luckly one of the side effects of this medication was drowsiness. And he sure needed the extra hours even if he had gotten out of bed not even a hour ago.  
All he wanted to do was to lie down again. And that was what he did. 

It was not even a couple of hours later the sound of a door handle turning awoke hongjoong from his sleep. The door was pushed open halfway with a loud creak, as light now filled the dark room.

There was complete silence as the person who had walked into the room closed the door behind him. 

A click was heard...someone had locked the door?

"I know you're awake".

Hongjoong sat up looking towards the door.

"S-san"? 

"What are you doing here"?

He couldn't see the other boys expression, but the warm scent of cinnamon was replaced with that of a burnt one. Meaning...

"To talk".

The alpha was upset.

The tone of the others voice was hard and cold as it spoke. Making the beta swallow in fear.

"Talk"?

The alpha got closer to the bed, looking down at hongjoong who instantly stood up.

His eyes narrowed as they almost bored into the other, observing every move he was making.

"I'm giving you one chance to tell me honestly Hongjoong".

"Where were you yesterday"? 

San clenched his fists as he tried his best to maintain a calm appearance.  
But hongjoong was like a deer caught in the headlights. Not moving an inch nor saying a word. 

It angered him.

Hongjoong knew it was the end.  
How did San know? No...how much did he know?

Ironically this scene seem so similar to the day before. Him being closed in by an alpha with zero chance of escaping.  
He felt like a prey being hunted by a predator...

His voice was edged with fear.  
"San I already told you before, I was at the stu-

San growled loudly as his eyes saw red from anger.

"Don't hongjoong"! Don't fucking lie to me"...

"Tell me, who is it"!?

his blood froze in his veins.  
Seconds passed but hongjoong couldn't get a word out. Right in front of him he only saw an alpha.  
The other was like an ticking time bomb ready to explode. Nothing he would say could make the situation any better. In fact it would only make it worse.

This wasn't San.  
This was an alpha speaking to him. And he knew.  
H-he couldn't win from one psychically...

San walked towards the beta who warned him not to come closer.

"I gave you a chance".  
"But since you're not answering honestly I guess I'll have to find out myself".

His hand grasped the beta who shrieked at the touch trying to pull away. 

"Let go"!

But San didn't. Instead his grip tightened around the others wrist as he dragged hongjoong to the bed.

"W-what are you doing"!?  
"No"!

San who was done with the struggling beta threw the other onto the bed and climbed ontop of him. 

Hongjoong tried to get up but he proceeded to hold the other down. Tears were now streaking down the beta's cheeks but San paid no mind to it.

Hongjoong tried to push the other off weakly.  
"Please, stop"!!

The alpha's hand grasped the onto the beta's hair pulling it, making hongjoong whimpered in response. San proceeded to move the others head to the side.

panic flared in Hongjoong's eyes as he couldn't move.

"S-san"!?

The other got closer head burying into to the crook of hongjoongs neck who flinched as hair brushed against his skin.

Inhaling deeply he frowned as he detected a scent. It wasn't that noticeable at first but at this distance he could smell it clearly...flowers?

He looked up. Why was there an omega's scent on the beta?

"How? This isn't the same scent".

...At that moment hongjoong knew for sure, the alpha had found the sweater.

"How was there another scent"!?

However what he did not know was that the other was utterly confused.  
The flower scent didn't match the the leather scent that he had smelled on the sweater.

Hongjoong had worn it yesterday so why wasn't there a trace of the alpha's scent? Had the other washed it off?

No, washing it off was almost impossible...

His hand moved from hongjoongs shoulder to his neck more specifically his shirt.  
Hongjoong stopped the hand from moving with his own. San looked into the boys desperate fearfull eyes while gritting out the next words.

"Don't struggle"!

The beta let go as the alpha slid the turtleneck down.

Revealing the many dark purple spots and bitemarks displaying on the others once delicate untouched skin.  
Hongjoong averted his gaze as he knew it was all over.

San's vingers slowly brushed against the painfull skin, trailing ovet evey spot stopping when he gripped the others chin firmly, Making Hongjoong face him.

"So Wooyoung was right".  
"Y-you sleep around huh"?

"San, N-no it's not...

"Shut up"!

He didn't want to hear Hongjoongs bullshit.

All the proof was right infront of his eyes. It was obvious that hongjoong had been having sex with others. As Wooyoung had said before, he had never shown any affection towards his packmates.  
This must have been the reason why.

Every time he had declined them in the past...the clear boundaries they couldn’t pass. The the times he told them he was busy working on this new song and wouldn't be comming back to the dorm. 

Hongjoong...those times he was probably meeting with other people.  
He must have done so much stuff with different people behind their backs. Hiding it from his pack...

He laughed at how stupid they all had been. Doesn't like psychical contact my ass. He clearly didn't need them..

He had lost all respect for the beta...the traitor.

"You're just disgusting"

Hongjoongs breath stilled as the words registered.

He was Disgusting.  
It was completely true, he himself didn't think in any other way when looking into the mirror. But hearing the hateful words comming from someone else's mouth completely broke his fragile mind.

The alpha came closer to hongjoong as their lips where only mere inches apart.

"From this moment on I won't consider you one of us anymore". 

"I honestly don't want to see your fucking face anymore, but since we still have to work together I guess I have no other choice".

The alpha got up from the bed and walked towards the door not even sparing the beta a second glance as he stepped out and closed the door shut.  
-

Wooyoungs head perked up as he saw San. "Come sit with us, the movie just started"! 

Everyone made some space on the couch as Wooyoung pushed Yeosang away instantly. 

"Wooyoung, stop that"!

"Ah don't be such a big baby sangie".

"What!? The moment San appeares I'm not good enough anymore? So much for all those years of friendship".

"Ohh jealous"?

"No".

"Hyung come sit next to me, I'll protect you"~

Standing up from the couch he left his spot to sit next to Jongho.

"Guess I'll be with Jongho from now on, your loss"

San sat himself down next to wooyoung who hugged him right away, sticking out his tongue to yeosang.

San looked towards the tv.  
"What are we watching"?

"A horror movie"!

Once everyone settled down again San met eyes with Seonghwa's for a fraction of a second.  
He instantly knew Seonghwa was on to something as he could read the others face. He was sure the alpha had questions but this was enough drama for today...Over all. He still had to think what he was gonna do with the new information he had gained.  
Would he tell the others? No, he didn't want to. He...would make Hongjoong tell them himself, as he was the one who broke their trust. 

"Doesn't Hongjoong want to watch with us"?

"No, he doesn't" San answered right away.

"Oh...oke"

-

Hongjoong barely left his room for the next two days, telling everyone he was tired or not feeling well. So they let him be. All he did was lay in bed. Only getting up when he had to go to the bathroom. 

The others became restless as they tried to figure out what was going on with the beta.  
But he didn't let them in as the door was almost always locked. If he did he wouldn't talk to them.

Since Hongjoong had no intention of coming downstairs Seonghwa brought him food. However the beta always left it untouched.  
He didn't know what to do, there was definitely something wrong with the younger. But what?

The days went on and it was Wednesday. They had practice and it was the first time in almost three days they saw hongjoongs face again.  
Seonghwa could clearly see that the boy had lost alot of weight.

He had already noticed before but he didn't know to what extent, since the beta had only been wearing sweaters or hoodies for the past couple of weeks. 

But how had he failed to notice?. Hongjoong always had a small frame. But this...wasn't the work of a three day hunger strike. The other looked so tired as well. As if he hadn't he been sleeping for days. 

At practice hongjoong made more mistakes than usual. The members who were normally irritated at the beta for messing up now only looked worried as the other had tripped over his own feet and fell to the ground.

'Hongjoong are you oke"?

Mingi held out his hand but hongjoong didn't take it as he stood up again. 

"Jeah, I'm sorry".

San sighed.  
"Lets begin from the start"

Hongjoong was on autopilot as he danced endlessly. His body was sour, and his muscle where aching. He was sweating profusely as he gasped for air. His heart hammered violently in his chest. But he had to keep going.

A sudden intense, sharp pain in his abdomen was felt making him almost stagger. He was breathing heavily as panic arose.  
But it was gone as soon as it came.

What was that just now?

He tried carrying on with the choreo but now a continues throbbing/cramping sensation was felt at the same spot as before.

He didn't want to slow the others down so he decided to ignored it. Enduring the pain was something he had gotten used to the past couple of days. So this was nothing.

After half an hour they decided to call it a day. On shaky legs he walked behind the others. but almost bumped into Seonghwa as the elder had apparently been wating for him.

"Hongjoong, I don't know what's going on...but you know I'm always here if you want to talk right"?

He had only nodded in response.

Not having the energie to even try to communicate with anyone he decided to keep quit.  
They walked the rest of the way back in silence. 

Once they arrived at the dorm Hongjoong went to his shared room right away as he knew the bathroom was already occupied.

Sitting down on his bed he noticed the room around him was spinning. Was he seriously getting sick now?

He breathed in and out a couple of times as the freshly cut grass scent invaded his nostrils.  
Making him relax a bit.

Looking towards the others bed he  
hesitantly got up and walked towards it.  
It was as if the scent was calling out to him. Luring him in. 

Reaching out for the bed he stopped midway to retreat his hand again. 

He was fighting the urge to jump onto it and roll around into the others scent. 

He laughed softly...  
So after everything that had happened he still craved an alpha's scent.

What had become of him?

He was pathetic...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oofoofof he's presenting...what am I gonna do 😂😂


	6. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh somehow this chapter was really hard to write. Idk why but I needed some time to think how I wanted everything to go.

Seonghwa had just gotten out of the shower as he was now walking towards his room.  
He knew everyone except for Hongjoong had showered. (As the beta had gone to their room the moment they arrived)  
If there was one thing Seonghwa was always strict about it was personal hygiene.

But he had a feeling Hongjoong was already curled up in his bed.  
Opening the door he sighed when he saw Hongjoong laying in his bed (as expected) still in his workout clothes.  
"What a pig"...He muttered under his breath.  
Some things just never change.

"Joong the shower is free"

But the beta didn't respond as he was sleeping.  
Should he wake the other up? It was kind of grose to sleep like that.   
But...Hongjoong had looked so tired today.

He sighed. He had hoped to be able to talk with the other a bit...but hongjoong hadn't really given him the chance to do so lately.  
If they talked their conversations were short, consisting of only a few sentences.  
And it was more than clear the beta was trying to avoid everyone.

Today he finally saw...a glimpse of the state the beta was in.   
Even if hongjoongs clothes weren't revealing at al no one failed to notice, the dangerously thin frame that was underneath there.

They had glanced towards him the entire practice giving him worried looks. Silently telling him he needed to talk to the beta asap.  
As if it wasn't clear to him yet...

After practice he had waited for hongjoong.

What was he even going to say? Ask?

"Hi I've noticed you're getting a bit thin, how come"?

"You should eat a bit more"?

Ahh he didn't know, so he sticked with telling the other that if he wanted to talk he was there.

But hongjoong didn't seemed like he wanted to talk at all.

He couldn't figure out what was wrong with his packmate.  
He knew hongjoong had alot on his mind.

But what was really going on?

Had the stress from the workload been to much?  
Was it the fight between him and Wooyoung? Was still bothering him? Acutally, had they made up?

Or was there something else troubling hongjoong?

Maybe...something had happened between him and san? No in fact he definitely knew something had happened.   
Ever since that day San had been throwing hongjoong nasty glances whenever he had the chance.

Ofcourse he had addressed san on his behaviour. Telling the other to stop it. Asking what was going on between the two. But the alpha wouldn't tell him a thing.

He was confused. Normally everything would be fine. They all had their fair share of problems.  
He couldn't always notice them nor help. But he would always be their listening ear. He would try to understand. And he...want to be there for hongjoong as well.

H-he felt guilty, had he been a shitty pack alpha all this time? He...why hadn't he talked more to hongjoong? Asked him if anything was troubling him or he could help with?

Even though he had this gut feeling telling him something was definitely wrong, he had just ignored it all this time.

He just didn't want to come off as some overprotective alpha. But knew he had been to absent for to long.

Deep down he had hoped the younger to come to him when something was wrong.  
Tell him what was on his mind. Rant to him, even about little things...

But, that never happened. The beta had never come to him nor approached any of the members to talk about personal stuff. 

But what had he ever done to earn the beta's trust in the first place?  
Indeed, nothing.

He, no...they weren't people hongjoong trusted.

The beta always had this wall around him. But somehow the wall had gotten thicker as time passed. No one had really tried to break through it as they didn't have any interest in what was behind it. Wanting to know the real hongjoong. And being honest, he had been the same.

Somewhere down the path his feelings had changed...Wanting to reach the other. But how?

He tried his best to include the beta in everyting. Talked to him...show the other he belonged. He had been happy and content when he was in the others presence. Hongjoong started to open up to him slowly.

But...somehow a couple of weeks ago he noticed something was changing. Hongjoong became more and more distant. He thought it was because of the busy scedule...but for an unknown reason a few days ago hongjoong like a calm retreated back into his shell...or rather behind his walls. As if he was hiding.

But what was he hiding for?

Seonghwa just didn't know what to do as their conversations were getting shorter and shorter again.   
The beta rarely even left his room now. How did it get to this point?

He just hoped the other was fine.  
But it was painfully clear that the beta was slowly withering away.

Was it because of them?  
Or had he been the problem?

Whatever it was he needed to get to the root of the problem and fix it.

He walked towards the beta but stilled as weak whimpers were heard throughout the room. Seonghwa perked up at the sound.

Getting a bit closer to the others bed as the sound was heard again he whispered.

"Hongjoong"?

But no reaction.  
Slowly lifting up the sheets he was shocked to see the beta's tear streaked face.

His alpha instincts instantly kicked in as he acted before even thinking. Letting his alpha side take over for only a small moment, he sat down on the bed facing Hongjoong.

He normally would have never done something like this, getting in someone's personal space. He knew his boundaries but somehow...at that moment, it just felt like the right thing to do.

It was as if the other was unconsciously crying out for help.  
H-he couldn't just leave hongjoong alone in this state. He wanted to comfort the younger.  
So there he sat on the bed in silence thinking of a way to calm the sleeping boy down.

Releasing a soothing scent he hesitantly pressed a hand onto the others back lightly, moving it in a circling motion.

"I-its oke"...

He didn't even know what he was doing at this point.  
But this always helped whenever other members were anxious or sad.

But somehow it seemed to have the exact oppisite effect on hongjoong.  
The beta flinched violently at every touch, as if the alpha's hand was burning him.

He retreated it right away. Bad choice.

Seonghwa's eyebrow raised in surprise as Hongjoong's limbs where trembling uncontrollably.  
Was the other cold?

He wanted to get another blanket but when he tried to stand up a small hand had grabbed onto his shirt.

"Sa...m-me"

His brows furrowed. Was the other dreaming?  
He sat down and took a hold of the others hand.

What was he even saying?  
The beta was getting restless as his limbs where now making small movements here and there.

At first he couldn't make out a thing the other was saying.  
But then he heard it softly.

"Don't".

Hongjoong stilled and looked as if he had calmed down again. Seonghwa's smiled.

He took a hold off the blankets wanting to tuck hongjoong in a bit. But as he did so the other flinched again, whimpering loudly now.

"Don't".... h-hurt me".

Seonghwa's smile instantly vanished.

Don't hurt me?

Whatever unpleasant dream hongjoong was having it wasn't good.   
The best thing to do was to wake the other up right?

His hand was on the beta's shoulder, shaking them lightly.

"Hongjoong"  
"Wake up"

"N-No stay away"!

"Joong, it's okey its me, wake up".

Shaking the boy a bit harder now hongjoongs eyes opened halfway.  
Happy that the younger was awake Seonghwa sighed in relieve.

"You scared the hell out of me Joong"

"Were you having a nightmare"?.

"Joong"?

He looked the other into his eyes but rather than looking back, it was as if hongjoong was looking right through him.

"Hongjoong, you're there"?

Reaching for the still half sleeping boy Hongjoongs eyes instantly went wide in shock.

Screaming at the top of his lungs the beta desperately crawled off the bed towards the furthest corner of the room.

"No!No! Stay away! Please No"!!

The beta was shaking as he laid in fetus position on the ground.

"P-please n-no more".

Seonghwa was startled by this. Taking one step in Hongjoongs direction the other cried out again.  
Then it clicked...  
Hongjoong was utterly terrified...of him.

His nose scrunched as an unpleasant unknown sent was now filling the room rapidly. Smoke?  
It was as if something was on fire, burning. It was suffocating.

The alpha couldn't even smell his own scent anymore.

The source of this scent... Hongjoong.

He stood up from the bed taking a couple of steps back towards the door creating more distance between the two of them.  
His eyes never leaving the boy that was pleading the alpha not to hurt him.

The alpha inside of him howled as it was telling him to protect! To do something...anything! Because it knew...the other was vulnerable and afraid. It knew hongjoong was in fact presenting...as an omega.

Seonghwa however didn't want to scare Hongjoong any more than he already was.

The door to their room suddenly swung open revealing most of his packmates.  
Alerted by the sudden screams all of them had woken up.

"Oh my God what's going on"??  
Mingi took a couple of steps into the room.

"Don't"

Seonghwa said as his eyes were still on Hongjoong.

They all just stood there, speechless as an unknown distressed scent now filled their nostrils.

"Guys I-I think he's presenting"  
-

He was back in the dark alley. Clouds of breath were leaving his mouth as the weather was cold. But he somehow couldn't feel it.

Looking around he noticed someone in the distance laying on the ground.  
Walking towards the person he asked.

"Are you oke"?

He could hear his own voice as it was trembling. But he didn't get a response back.

It was dark but he could see it was a boy who was clearly hurt and needed help.

Walking towards the other he instantly halted as he could see the boys face. Looking right at him.

Smiling.

I-It...was him.

He blinked but in a split second the other was gone, as if vanished in thin air.

W-what"?

He stood there motionless as he looked around, but no sign for the other.  
Fear pulsed inside of him as he heard faint voice.

"He will come for you"

"Who"?

"Just wait, you will know very soon"

He shook his head in confusion. He wanted to get out of here but somehow no matter how much he walked he couldn't seem to escape this place.  
The road ahead seemed endless...

suddenly the sound of another set of footsteps echoed through the allyway alerting him someone was approaching.

Turning around he was met... with his worst nightmare.

"Hi, pup".  
"Ready for some more fun"?...

"Someone...save me"

-

A hand shaking his shoulders awoke him. H-he was safe. He was right?

Upon opening his eyes he was met with one.  
An alpha.  
Hovering over him. Hands trying to grab onto him.

It wasn't over yet.

A scream left his lips as he tried to get away as he knew this alpha was going to hurt him as well.

He was in the furthest corner of the room pleading for the other not to come any closer.  
But instead of closing in in him the other moved away.

The door opened now revealing more people. H-he could smell them. Among those people were three more alpha's.

T-the alpha had called others!?.

His mind went into panic mode.   
They... were all going to rape him.

Hongjoongs heart sank the moment one of the bigger alpha's stepped inside the room.

Closing his eyes shut he braced himself for the worst.  
But suddenly light filled the entire room.

"Hongjoong, it's oke"  
...

"It's us"

He was comming back to his senses as he finally heard something familiar.

"Seonghwa I don't think its working"  
"Ssst shut up, give him some time"

"Joong, do you hear me"?

"Please nod if you hear me"

He did.

"Oke you're doing so well"

He now recognized the voice that was speaking to him...looking up he saw he was in his room...the people around him were his packmates.

It were just his packmates.

But the feeling of dread didn't subside as he constantly eyed the alpha's.  
He curled his arms around himself while whimpering hard as he was feeling a sharp pain in his lower abdomen.

"I-it hurts"...

"Joong I know, you're doing well".

"W-whats happening"?

Seeing the alpha take one step closer hongjoong growled making the other halt.

"Joong I'm trying to help you, can I please come closer"?

"No"

There was a short silence before before seonghwa spoke.

"Don't panic, but you're presenting"  
"As an omega"

Hard laughs escaped the boy. This...was all just to funny. Somehow, he seemed to be so...unfortunate.   
What in the world had he even done to deserve all this!?

Laughter died down fast as tears where welling up in his eyes again. 

Everyone seems to be confused at his emotional outbursts.

"Please get out"


	7. Revealed secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hihi! I had some time and decided to post the next chapter as well. ^-^
> 
> I got tested positive for corona today so I have to stay at home for at least 7 days🤪 i'm doing oke atm. So I think I'll be able to write alot the next couple of days 🤭
> 
> I've been thinking about starting another story as well. But no idea who the main character is gonna be or what setting in going to use. If anyone has ideas/requests or anything they would like to see/read lmk😉

This was all happening so fast. They didn't even have the chance to explain the boy what was currently happening.

They had left hongjoong alone in his room since he had requested it. Needing some alone time to think.  
But after the door shut close members all flew into action.   
Getting the stuff that was needed for an upcoming heat. Food, water, clothes, blankets and pillows with their scent on them, painkillers, sex toys which Hongjoong definitely needed.

Hongjoong had moved to the bed again, as he was now shaking underneath his blankets.

The stomping sound of several footsteps going around the house was heard. The scents of his packmates which he could now smell more clearly, where either distressed or excited.

It was hot, way to hot. Sweat was tickling down his back as if there was no end to it. He wanted to pull his clothes off but he refrained himself from doing so. He swallowed as his troath was hurting from dryness.

He cried out as a cramping pain in the lower abdomen, just above the pelvic bone shot through his body again.

He was just so done with everything...

About an hour had passed and he felt like he was already loosing his mind.  
The urge to find an alpha was strong as he smelled them everywhere. He was drawn to it...but also disgusted...  
The pain had increased tenfold during this small amount of time.   
How much longer did he have to endure this? He needed painkillers...

He tried to push himself up from the bed but his body wasn't working properly.

Luckly not even a couple of minutes later the door opened again. Disoriented he looked around the room. This time only seonghwa, Wooyoung and Yeosang got in.

Yeosang stepped forward.

"I have some water and medicine for you"   
"thought you might need it"

The other put it down on the nightstand besides his bed and stepped back again.  
Hongjoong looked at it in disbelief. 

It was as if they had heard what he was thinking. And he couldn't be happier as the agonizing pain could finally be suppressed, only if just for a little.

He looked towards Wooyoung. Somehow another omega being there calmed his wolf down a bit. Even if he and Wooyoung weren't really on good terms at the moment.

Was he gonna be okey?  
Was presenting supposed to be like this?  
He wanted to ask them but words weren't comming out.

He watched as the members put stuff down onto the ground.  
Eying it he noticed a box filled with toys. He would never touch those...

But w-why would he need all the blankets and pillows? Questioning eyes met with the head alpha's.  
But before he could speak up hongjoong withered in pain, making him almost fall off the bed. 

Seonghwa stepped forward as he wrapped his arms around him...keeping him steady. Panic flooded his system again.

NOO!! DON'T, NO! GET OFF!!...LET ME GO!

It sounded so utterly fearful and desperate that chills ran up Seonghwa's spine.

But he didn't let go this time. If he did the omega part of him would think he wasn't loved, would feel rejected even more unsafe than he already was.  
Seonghwa's arms tightened a bit around hongjoong, but not to hard to hurt the other who was trying to push him away. 

He was rocking them back and forth slowly in an calming manner as he placed one hand on the crying boy's nape.

"Hongjoong please, breath with me slowly".

He inhaled deeply and exhaled through his mouth a couple of times. And to his surprise it worked. After a couple of minutes the younger had calmed down a bit and looked up at him.

"S-seonghwa"...

He tried to hold down a sob but the alpha had noticed.

"It's okey to cry".

For the first time Hongjoong let all his emotions come to the surface 

Tears tickled down his cheeks as he was crying uncontrollably in the arms of his packmate.

"I-I don't want to present"

"Shhh I know, I know"   
"But It's all going to be okey, don't worry Joong we'll take good care of you".

Hongjoongs stilled at that.

Seonghwa had let him go to reach for the medicine and water. Giving it to hongjoong the alpha took a moment to think.

"Unless you want us to...leave you alone"? ..  
"You don't need an alpha you know".  
"But Wooyoung or one or the beta's will have to check up on you once in a while".  
"It will be more painfull if no one's there to help but it's your choice to make".

He nodded.

"How long"?

"What"?

Hongjoong looked up.

"How long does a heat take"?

"Around three days"?  
"For Wooyoung at least. Don't know about other omega's".

He could manage three days of this...

"I-I don't need any help".

The alpha smiled and hugged him softly. He had to fight the urge to push Seonghwa away. But the moment he smelled the scent of freshly cut grass he calmed down a bit

"That's completely fine".

Hongjoong lets out a small sigh as he buried his face into the crook of the others neck hesitantly. The other let him as he breathed in the familiar scent. A scent that felt safe...

Seonghwa sniffed as a pleasant smell came from the omega. It was still somewhat distressed.  
But he noticed the faint scent of flowers. His alpha was delighted as it thought their scents were a good match.  
Hongjoongs breathing eventually evented out.

"He's asleep"...Seonghwa whispered

"Let him"! Wooyoung answered at that.

Seonghwa placed hongjoong back onto the bed who stirred a bit before relaxing again.

When they had gotten out of the room the other members who had been waiting outside all looked at him.

He sighed...

"Woo-"

"I know what you're about to ask. But no, with me it wasn't anything like this".

"How was it then"? Yunho asked curiously.

"Uh uncomfortable ofcourse, scared? maybe a little bit but okey I guess".

"Wooyoung was just really horny, smothering me with kisses while dry humping me"

"Haha Yeosang really funny" he said sarcastically.

"So...it's not that different from your normal heats"! Mingi answered

"Ey stop that" "this isn't about me but Hongjoong"

They all went downstairs to talk about it further as they didn't want to wake the sleeping boy.

Almost everyone began to talk about hongjoong excitedly.

"Woah I still can't believe we're getting another omega"! "I'm so curious as to what kind of scent he has", "I couldn't smell it at all since it was so distressed" jongho said.

"Same, but it's kind of weird right? He's already 21! A late bloomer I guess"?

Yunho looked confused  
"Normally you kinda know when someone is about to present, right"?

Wooyoung gasped at that. So much things were clearer now. 

"We missed all the signs" he almost wispered. 

He looked around but was met with alot of confused faces. 

"Sensitivity to scents, tiredness and lack of concentration, problems with balance and coordination in limbs"

"you know the glass he dropped? The constant missteps while he could dance the choreo perfectly before. There where some behavior changes as well"...

Mingi looked up to Seonghwa "the sweater"!

There was a short silence. They felt guilty, it had been so obvious. And all they had done was either ignore the other or got mad at him over the smallest things...

"But did you guys notice how afraid he was? 

"Jeah afraid of you"!

"Wattt? No way. You think so"?

Wooyoung sighed...  
"Mingi are you dumb? Ofcourse he's afraid. He always thought he was a beta, this must have been a shock to him".

"And the fact that you're alpha is like super exited about this isn't helping either"!

"Sorry I just can't help it" he smiled shyly.

"Either way...we need to help him through this"...

"yeah"

Yunho shot mingi a piercing look.  
"Everyone except for Mingi"

" guys"... Yeosang spoke. "Does anyone have any experience with Hongjoong"? "Like done stuff "?

Looking around the group they all shook their head.   
"Nothing right"?

Wooyoung pouted...   
"Till now he always declined" "I think he doesn't have any experience".

Jongho's mouth fell open "At all"? ... Wooyoung nods at that. 

"Don't worry I'll take good care of our hyungie"~ Jongho's eyes almost sparkled at this point.

"Ewh stop the aegyo, that's just gross"

Seonghwa cuts in not wanting to hear any more.   
"Don't even think about it. He doesn't want any help".

San who had been silent the entire time clicked his tongue as he looked away.

He knew exactly why Hongjoong had refused the help. He just didn't want to expose his secret.

"Wut"? Jongho asked surprised.  
"Why not"?

"He just doesn't want it, so respect his decision".

There were some dissapointed faces among his packmates. Seonghwa knew how much they wanted to help Hongjoong including himself.   
And they could, by leaving him alone. Hongjoong needed to feel safe and protected, that was the most important at the moment.

"Now the question, who's going to check up on him"?

"Me"!!

"..Mingi for god's sake calm down. You know I didn't mean one of the alpha's".

Wooyoung looked down at his feet. "I-uh haven't apologized to Hongjoong yet"..."So it wouldn't be a good choice if I went".

Seonghwa sighed again. "You should have talked it out days ago"!

Wooyoung flinched at the hard tone.

San snorted at this. Wooyoung had no reason to apologize but if he said that he had to explain himself. So he didn't..

"Oke Yunho and Yeosang will do the checkups".

They nodded in response.

"You guys should check up on him in a couple hours. From what I can see he's not sweating to much yet. So his body is still preparing for the actual heat itself."

Restless they all sat on the couch, eating   
something, watching TV to pass the time.

After a while yunho stood up from the couch and went upstairs to check up on Hongjoong. When he came down he had a worried look on his face.

"Yeosang can you come? I need you to help with something".

The beta stood up and disappeared upstairs as wel. Not even a minute later Yunho yelled from upstairs

"We need some help! Hongjoong is burning up to much"!

Seonghwa looked at his packmates locking eyes with Wooyoung.

"Wooyoung and I are going up".

"Thats okey we'll stay here" San answered.

-

Upon entering the dark room Hongjoong was again sitting in the furthest corner curled into a protective position.  
  
The stuff they had placed in on the ground was left untouched.

Yeosang was sitting besides hongjoong trying to get him off the ground. But he wouldn't budge one bit.

At this point it didn't even matter what they said. The other was sucked up into his own world.Voices were no longer reaching him.

Why was Hongjoong still fully clothed? The youngers heat had definitely hit as his jeans were soaked in slick. What was even more surprising...was that he wasn't touching himself at all nor any of the stuff that surrounded him.  
This wasn't good.

"What do we do? He is overheating" Wooyoung noted.

(Note: When in heat an omega's temperature always goes up a bit. But in some rare cases (mostly when presenting) the body fails to regulate it. The heat would get out of control, and if not done anything about it it could become extremely dangerous for the omega)

Yunho re-entered the room again.  
"I drew a cold bath, I read somewhere it should work" 

Seonghwa shared a look with him, nodding to each other they slowly got closer to the omega.

Seonghwa knew they had promised hongjoong not to interfere but the omega needed to get into the bath before his temperature would become dangerously high.  
And no way he would be able to do so in this state.

In one sweep Seonghwa and Yunho picked hongjoong up who snapped out of his trance. Struggled against them. As a wild animal the omega was clawing at the two but wooyoung stepped in, holding his wrist firm. As the three of them struggled to move the boy room into the bathroom all they could do was apologize.

The screams where excruciating. They all felt guilty for what they where doing... but it was for hongjoong's own good.

Lowering him into the cold bath they needed to pin him down as he was constantly trying to escape it .

"Hongjoong you need to stay"!

"Lock the door"!! Seonghwa shouted at wooyoung.

Who did as told.

"Why is he still in his clothes"!?  
....

They were in the way. No omega would be comfortable wearing this. Not while in heat. Hongjoong in this state wasn't able make any decisions as he did was cry and scream.

None of them had ever come across something like this, and it scared them. Wasn't someone in heat supposed to be aroused? Excited? If any of that hongjoong was the complete opposite.

Hongjoong definitely wasn't able to get his clothes off himself either.

They all shared a quick look before Seonghwa continued. "I'll do it".

As his hand reached the turtle neck hongjoong grabbed his hand firm nails digging into his skin painfully.

"Don't"...

"Hongjoong, I'm only trying to help".

"DON'T"!

There was no way seonghwa would let him leave his wet clothes on. It would only make everything worse.

Seonghwa knew hongjoong was about to struggle even more...and they wouldn't get anywhere with this.

He he didn't want to do this but it was the only way.

"HONGJOONG, STAY STILL".

Everyone froze a bit. The words weighing heavy as Seonghwa spoke them.

Hongjoong instantly stopped struggling as he let go of the alpha's wrist.  
He felt extremely guilty as the burning scent became more and more prominent.

"Seonghwa, you just didn't"...

"I did"

He had used alpha voice on the younger. Luckly the effect would wear off after a couple of minutes. It should give them enough time to lower his temperature a bit.

"I'm sorry I have to do this".

"Hold him up Yunho".

His vingers trailed along the hem of hongjoongs shirt as the boy was silently crying.

He pulled the shirt up and over the omega's head.

To occupied to get the shirt off he failed to notice the gasps around the room.

"That wasn't so hard now was -

His face grew in horror as he saw bruises...so many of them.   
His hand reached out for the omega but didn't touch to afraid to hurt the other.

His eyes raked over the others expose body. Blisters from being burnt, littered across hongjoongs shoulders and upper back. Skin angry red and completely scratched up as if someone had tried to get entirely rid of it in the process.  
This couldn't possibly be real.

He looked over his shoulder to three other packmates that stood frozen as they took in the sight.

"Everyone go downstairs"

Without a word they left. Leaving Seonghwa and Hongjoong behind.

-

only the sound of moving water heard.  
Hongjoong had his eyes tightly closed shut.

Seonghwa...didn't want to do this. b-but had to know. How much the other had been hurt.

With shaky hands he laid them on hongjoongs cheeks.

"What h-happened"?  
...

"A-are you hurt elsewhere"?...

But the boy didn't answer any of his questions but seeing the damage that that was done to the other he dreaded the worst.

"Joong...I need to know"...

His hands trailed down as he carefully set his hands on the omega's jeans unbuttoning it.   
As hongjoong looked up to lock eyes Seonghwa he knew that they where completely filled...with sadness. 

His heart trumped into his chest.  
The boy knew all to well what he was about to do but couldn't resist as the other had used his alpha voice on him.

His vingers hooked under the jeans and boxer.   
Taking a second to mentally prepare he eventually slowly pulled them down until they where completely off.

Hongjoong was fully naked right now, exposed as he could see seonghwa's eyes going over his body. 

He couldn't see what the latter was seeing. But judging his reaction it was bad.  
Really bad.

The alpha screamed in shock as tears were now traveling down his face. His eyes saw red as they were glowing with anger.

Nothing could have ever prepared him for this...

"W-who"!?  
"Who did this"!!!?..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh I feel kinda sad Seonghwa had to find out like this. Especially bc he used alpha voice on hongjoong and was stripping him naked. It's just horrible... :'((


	8. An alpha's mistake and an alpha's touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! It's been a while. So. I've underestimated corona since I've been really sick for a while. -_-  
> But I'm almost better now. ^-^ thank you all for the kind messages. I really appreciate it🤗❤. I hope everyone is well :))  
> I also wanted to thank you for your patience!  
> Hope you enjoy this chapter.

San was surprised as Yunho, Yeosang and Wooyoung came downstairs. Their faces where pale, drained of any color...the air around them felt heavy, as their scents where enough to tell the others something was horribly wrong.

"What's going on"? Mingi asked concerned as he took a step toward Yunho who was visibly shaking.

"I-its H-hong...Jo-ong"...

The beta stuttered before suddenly bursting into tears. 

Mingi instantly stepped forward, wrapping the other into his protective arms to comfort him.

"I-its...He's n-not doing so well"...

San frowned at that.  
He thought his members might have have found out about the hickeys...but if that was the case shouldn't they be angry instead of well crying? Especially yunho. San had never seen the other this upset before nor cry this hard over anything.

"What do you mean hongjoong isn't doing well"? He asked confused.

He looked around waiting for someone to answer, but after a while when no one spoke up he walked towards the omega who was still staring at his own feet in silence.   
Softly gripping the youngers shoulders wooyoung looked up in shock. He had been to occupied with his own thoughts that he hadn't been paying any attention to his surroundings.

He could clearly hear Yunho as the elder was a crying mess. Mingi tried his best to calm the beta down. But Wooyoung knew the latter's tears wouldn't stop in a long run. He saw the alpha's questioning eyes as they wanted to know what he had seen not a couple of minutes prior.

He glances towards Yeosang in hope he would explain further...but the normally calm beta had a blank expression on his face. Wooyoung could see that the other was clearly struggling himself as he hadn't even said a word since they came downstairs.

Wooyoung let san lead him to the couch. sitting down the omega looked at the hand that was now resting on his thigh, letting him know the other was there for him.

Noticing everyone was completely focused on him he swallowed hard as he prepared himself for what he was about to say next.

"His.. upperbody was littered in bruises"

Jongho who also sat on the couch stood up as he growled "What"!?  
"Someone attacked him"?  
"Who ever it was I'm going fucking beat him up"!

"J-jongho, it was not that kind of attack"

"What"?

"The bruises looked like... handprints"

Jongho's eyes grew wide in horror as his jaw dropped. He knew what the other meant by it. 

...

"I-I think s-someone...

At this point a gut wrenching cry was heard through the whole dorm. This time it wasn't Hongjoong...no, it came from Seonghwa.

Everyone looked up at the sound.

Tears welled up in Wooyoungs eyes as he almost whispered the last part.

...raped him".

San instantly shot up from the couch as he tried to get to the staircase but Yeosang had stepped in right before he could get there.

"Let me through"!  
San said with a hard tone as he tried to shove the beta out of the way. But the other wouldn’t budge an inch.

"You can't"! Yeosang growled back holding his ground.

Yeosang looked like he was ready to kill anyone who dared to come any closer but san was determined. He needed to see hongjoong with his own eyes.

"I said let me through"!

He gripped Yeosangs shoulder hard, silently telling the other that if he didn't move now he would push his way through forcefully. But before he could do so Yunho stepped in between the two turning towards san with a heavy expression on his face, making the alpha let go and take a couple of steps back in surprise. 

Seeing the two beta's stand in front of him blocking the way made it all to clear it was forbidden ground beyond them.

"Seonghwa is taking care of Hongjoong right now" "You being there will only make things worse" Yunho said with a low warning tone.

San looked towards wooyoung as he shook his head in disbelieve.

"I-is...it really"!!?

...

"You aren't just saying this because you saw some bruises right"!?

The omega clenched his fists.

"W-what are you even asking me right now"!?

"I just-

"San, don't you understand? raped. HE WAS FUCKING RAPED"!!

"He has bite marks all over"!

His voice was shaking with sadness and anger.

"I think he even fucking burned himself...there are so many wounds, it's as if he..he ripped the skin from his own body"!!

Ba-thump.

The alpha flinched at the words as his hand reached for his chest, grasping it tightly.

His heart was aching. His with shock filled gaze slowly shifted from wooyoung to the ground as the information sunk in.

Raped.

He didn't want to believe it at first but. It must be true.

His mind went back to the day he had gone to the other's room. He had forced hongjoong to talk...thrown him onto the bed and then proceeded to forcefully pin him down.

That day he had seen proof of the assault...

The wolf inside him whimpered as it knew they had both been at faulth.

What had he done...

Hongjoong hadn't betrayed them, he was a victim.

Guilt seeped through him as knew that all this time he had been wrong. So wrong.

As pieces of a puzzle everything had instantly fallen into place.

Without a word he walked towards the front door.  
Ignoring his packmates confused looks as they called after him. Not even bothering to answer nor to put his shoes on he got out of the house. As he rounded a coner the garbage bins that where located on the right side of the building came into view.

In a rage of anger he grabbed one of the bins making it fall down as it landed on the floor with a hard thump. All the content now spilling onto the ground he rummaged through it aggressively.

-

After a while he got back inside and sat down on the couch in complete silence.

"What where you doing outside"?  
Wooyoung pinched his nose as he leaned away from the alpha "And why do you smell so awfull"!?

San's head hung low as his hands gripped his hair pulling it hard in frustration.

"I couldn't find it"

Looking up is eyes found mingi's.

"The sweater"!

"Sweater"? 

"Seonghwa's sweater".

"A couple of nights ago when he got back home late must have been the night he was attacked".

"He had thrown the sweater away but I found it.  
"I was so angry at him, I thought he was betraying us"!

Jongho looked towards San. "Why would you think that"?

"Because it smelled like another alpha"

Tears threatened to burn behind San's eyes as his emotions where raging all over the place. Echo's of his own voice ran through his head as he remembered the hurtful with hate filled words he had spoken to the other.

"I've done and said so many things to him"

"The sweater was the only clue we had to finding this monster...but now it's gone"

At that moment the bathroom opened.

"No, alpha.. please! I'll be good! I'll be good"!!

"Please no hospital"!!!

They all followed the sound of slow footsteps combined with the desperate cries of their packmate. After some time a door shutted close leaving them all in complete silence once again.

If you could hear someone's heart break at that moment it would be loud and clear...that san's was now in thousands of pieces. 

\------

Seonghwa looked down at hongjoong with tears in his eyes as he gripped the edge of the bathtub with both hands. His enraged wolf tried to break free as it urged him to protect his omega. Which in it's eyes Seonghwa had failed to do.

However he wouldn't allow it to take over as nothing good would come from it. 

He and his wolf weren't hot-tempered nor hostile. Neither had it ever gone out of control as he and Seonghwa had always been on the same page. But this...was different.

Seonghwa was now clearly fighting against this other part that wanted to take over.

It was chanting to him to 'protect his omega' but also to 'kill'. It wanted to kill the rapist. And the thing that scared him...was that he wanted to do the exact same thing.

Seonghwa's wolf was kindhearted, calm and caring. But also strong, dominant and extremely protective of the people it cared for. His alpha wouldn't think twice about killing anyone who would try to hurt one of his loved ones. 

Note: Not that he had ever killed a person. But he sure had beaten the living shit out of someone in the past before)

And he knew that if it would ever gets it's hands on the person who had done this to his omega...the other wouldn't be able to walk out of it alive. 

Looking towards the omega it was clear he was scaring hongjoong. The thick heavy scent filled with anger could be smelled from miles away. It was making the younger in response panic as he began to apologize over and over again asking the alpha for forgiveness...what made Seonghwa only more upset than he already was.

But upon seeing the scared boy he and his wolf tried their best to calm down for hongjoong's sake.

"It's oke, it's oke. Hongjoong you don't have to apologize" "I'm not angry at you" 

He reached for hongjoong but the omega flinched away.

"No...don't touch me! I'm disgusting"!!

He yelled as his hands started clawing at the already broken skin.

Seonghwa couldn't watch any longer as he took a hold of Hongjoongs hands pulling them away from his neck. He tried telling the younger he was anything but disgusting but hongjoong wasn't listening as he thought the other was lying to make him feel better. 

Seonghwa's pupils saw red from anger as he didn't have contol over it.

Upon seeing the alpha's eyes a voice began to whisper numerous things inside hongjoongs head. That the alpha was in fact furious because he knew what had happened. That he was dissapointed and thought he was filthy because he had let someone taint his body. That he was a bad omega and he had to make it up to the head alpha. He felt inferior as the strong heavy scent almost made him bare his neck to the other. Almost. 

He tried to pull his hands away but Seonghwa wouldn't let him as he was afraid the younger would hurt himself again.

But hongjoong didn't want the other to touch him.

...why. Why didn't the alpha let him go? What did it want from him?

Then he stilled. Was it because he was in heat?What...was the other planning on doing to him?

No, he didn't want to think about the possibilities. 

But there was this part deep down telling him the things that had crossed his mind just now where actually things he wanted to happen. And he knew...he couldn't escape these feelings and thoughts. And it revolted him.

As hongjoong was to focused on trying to get his hands free Seonghwa took the opportunity to scan the others body. He didn't need to be an expert to see that Hongjoong needed medical care.

"We have to get you to a hospital"

Upon hearing these words Hongjoongs attention was fully back to the alpha besides him. He shook his head aggressively.

"No"  
"No hospitals"!

Seonghwa frowned at this.

"B-but look at you"!!  
"You need to-

"Please..no...hospitals"!

Seonghwa was at a loss. He debated with himself what to do, thinking of the best options while respecting hongjoongs wishes. He knew they had to go see a doctor eventually but for some reason hongjoong was completely against the idea. Why?

He sighed

First things first. The effect of his alpha voice was wearing off and Hongjoong had been in this cold bath for a good amount of time now. 

"Hongjoong I have to get you out of here"

Draining the bath of water he reached for the other. Hooking his arms under hongjoongs legs and back he lifted the boy out of the tub way to easily as he weight almost nothing. Hongjoong who was startled by this started to cry out in fear.

"NO! ALPHA...PLEASE I'LL BE GOOD! I'LL BE GOOD, PLEASE NO HOSPITAL"!!

Seonghwa didn't say a single word as he carried the struggling boy towards their room. Lowering hongjoong into the sheets of his bed the other instantly curled into himself. 

"Joong"

"I'll be good, so please"...

He had to figure out what to do. He knew they had a first aid kit somewhere so maybe Hongjoong would let him tend to the wounds at least. The others condition was bad but, not life threatening. So he definitely didn't want to scare the other more by dragging him out of the safety of their home, to an unfamiliar place. 

But he knew, that sooner or later they would have to go see a doctor.

Looking at the younger he came to the conclusion that he couldn't leave hongjoong alone like this. It was impossible for the other to take care of himself in the state he was in. So he gave him a choice. 

"I will promise you won't take you to a hospital only if you will let me stay with you".

There was a long silence.

Hongjoong was vulnerable and naked infront of this alpha. He was in heat and at this point the other could do anything to him if he wanted to.

But after a while he nodded in agreement as he would let Seonghwa stay because the last thing he wanted was the whole fucking world to discover what had happened to him.

It was silent as the mattress caved in a little bit. Hongjoong tensed up as his heartbeat picked up, beating loud in his chest now.

Seonghwa laid down next to him, being carefully not to touch the other. He knew his presence would calm the omega down eventually, as it was aware an alpha was close by.

But...this wasn't fair for hongjoong. Even if his wolf part wanted an alpha, hongjoong himself didn't want anything to do with it at all. But he had no choice in the matter. And seonghwa completely understood...the others fears. 

He knew that even if the scars on his body would eventually heal his emotional scars would take far longer to do so. If they would ever heal.

Right there and then he promised to himself he would stay at hongjoongs side every step of the way. May it be good or bad. 

And right now even if the younger didn't want nor appreciated him being there Seonghwa knew, Hongjoong needed him. 

And he was going to help him through this

"I'll just be here, I won't do anything". He spoke softly. 

-

Minutes passed by as Hongjoong could feel the warmth radiating from the alpha's body. The grass scent was now fully surrounding him as he felt the soft warm breaths that left the alpha hit his back, making him shudder.

There was still space between the two as neither of them moved. But part of him unconsciously wanted to get closer to the alpha. His omega was restless as it was whimpering, pleading him it wanted more warmth, it wanted the scent on him...it needed to be touched. But he refrained himself from acting on those disgusting urged of his. 

He was having an internal war with himself. Surprisingly the alpha hadn't done anything to him. And he felt somewhat relieved.

From what he knew alpha's would go crazy over an omega in heat. Hongjoong could smell the alpha's arousal clearly. But Seonghwa hadn't touched him at all as he had a good self control.

But the main problem now...was him.

Every second that passed he noticed his omega part was taking over more and more. His lust was increasing as the emptiness he was constantly feeling got worse. The aching pain...at this point was almost getting unbearable as he bit down on his lip hard preventing him from crying out. He wanted the pain to stop.

He gasped as he felt something tickle down from in-between his cheeks onto the bed. whimpering hard he shrunk into himself.

"It's oke joong, it totally normal. it's just slick"

Seonghwa who noticed the others discomfort started talking to him. This seemed to helped somewhat, until an intense shooting pain like never before was felt in his abdomen.

Hongjoong screamed in pain.

"It hurts, it hurts so much"

"I know" Seonghwa cooed

Hongjoong started to reach out for Seonghwa, desperately wanting physical contact from the alpha. 

"Please...the pain, please make it stop "...

At that moment he gasped hard as he snapped out of it. retreating his hand again he was now holding it back with his other hand.

He realized he had just begged the other... to take him. Given the alpha permission to do whatever he wanted.

No...this wasn't him. This wasn't what he wanted right? This was his omega talking for him.

He wanted...  
What did he want?

For the other to leave, but he didn't want to be alone either. He wanted to be touched but the thought of it scared him to death. As getting touched meant there was a chance of him getting hurt again.

"Joong, I can't help you like that"

He closed his eyes at this new feeling.

His heart ached as his omega felt.. rejected. Was he not good enough? Didn't the alpha want him?  
Ofcourse not... Look at him! Who would even want a filthy omega like him?

As if Seonghwa had read his mind he interuped the distressed omega's train of thoughts.

"I do want to help you"

The Hongjoong turned around, now facing Seonghwa. Looking into the alpha's eyes, he searched for any ill intend but all he could see was the others sincere.

"Why"?

He asked Seonghwa confused as he moved closer to the alpha. Somehow not questioning this sudden movement as their faces where now only a few inches apart.

They could feel each others breath linger on their lips. Building up the yearning in both of them as they resisted the temptation to bring them together. Make them beg silently for the taste of each other.

Seonghwa gazed down at hongjoong's lips for a short moment, unconsciously licking his own. However didn't this act go unnoticed by the omega.

They laid like for a long time before the alpha answered.

"Because I care about you"

Seonghwa's wolf was restless as it growled inside of him telling him it wanted to take care of his packmate, of 'his' omega...but it also wanted to do so much more. Things Hongjoong wasn't close to ready for. He didn't even know how the other felt about him, and he wasn't going to push his feeling on hongjoong either.

He tried not to inhale to much of the sweet mouthwatering scent the omega was producing, as he breathed through his mouth. But it didn't help much since they where this close so each other. He asked himself why hongjoong was even this close to him in the first place.

"I just, don't want to hurt you".

Hongjoongs eyes went wide as he felt his heart skip a beat.

At that moment he had realized, the person in front of him was in fact Seonghwa. He had nothing to be afraid off. The elder was an alpha...but that was only a part of him. And his alpha hadn't hurt him in any way. Seonghwa hadn't hurt him. 

Him being an omega didn't change anything between them either. He had noticed the way seonghwa looked at him... spoke to him. It wasn't any different from before he had presented.

Even now the other was aware of what had happened to him.

Seonghwa, still saw him for who he was. Treated him like a person. He only for a fraction of a second forgot that the elder was an alpha. That he was an omega. 

It was just him and Seonghwa.

And he knew, the other would never do anything to him he wouldn't want.

He trusted him.

"You won't hurt me" 

He spoke before suddenly moving forward closing the gap between the two of them as he softly brushed his lips against Seonghwa's. The feeling of the alpha's lips against his was almost magical. As he had never experienced something like this before. He felt warmth seep throughout his entire body as it instantly relaxed in reaction to the touch. 

Only after mere seconds he pulled away. He was confused at what he just had done. But before he could process what just had happened Seonghwa took a hold of his chin lifting it without a word and locking their lips back together once again. 

Hongjoong instantly leaned further into the touch as the alpha began moving his lips against his slowly and carefully. 

To hongjoong's surprise he loved every bit of it as he almost moaned into the kiss. His hands took a hold of Seonghwa's shirt as he was pulling the alpha even closer to him. Greedily wanting more as he also began to move his lips in response while trying to deepen the kiss. As it was getting more and more heated his mind was now only filled with Seonghwa as he was entering some kind of euphoric state.

He wanted more.

He needed more. 

His conscious was slowly starting to drift away from reality. But he felt so good, that he couldn't stop. Seonghwa was like some kind of drug to him. It was Intoxicating. 

_mine.._

Something inside of him said.

_only mine._

He opened his eyes slightly into the kiss.

 _My alpha_..

No...he didn't like this feeling.

He wanted to let go of the other but somehow he couldn't. He instead did the exact oppisite as he was now clinging to the alpha desperately as if he was his last life line. And it scared him.

_mine...my alpha. My mate._

He didn't have any control over himself as his body was acting on it's own.

The oh so sweet kiss that had been like a cure to his body was also a poison to his mind. It had awoken something that was now trying to possess him. If it wasn't already. 

He didn't want this. He had to stop. Seonghwa had to stop. Because he felt himself slipping away as his mind became hazy. 

'But this is what you wanted right?

'This is what you where made for'

'You want this alpha so why stop now'?

'Why resist something you want'? 

Another voice spoke to him. 

It was right...

-

The alpha who noticed the change instantly parted from hongjoong who whined at the loss of contact. Hongjoongs eyes where glazed over as he was breathing heavily while he tried to get closer to the alpha again.

"You have to calm down" he whispered to the younger.

"Hongjoong are you still with me"?

Holding hongjoong by his shoulders the younger came down from his euphoric state. Somewhat unfocussed he looked towards the alpha in confusion as to what had just taken place. Looking around his surroundings slowly became more clear. The voices he had been hearing so loudly instantly disappeared as the alpha started talking to him.

Then a lone tear trailed down his cheeks, as it was all to much for him. 

Seonghwa in reaction cupped his cheeks, gently wiping away the tears. It was such a soft of a gesture, almost as if he was afraid he would break the other.

Whispering it was all oke hongjoong could feel the others lingering touch on his face, missing it the moment the alpha had let him go yet again.

Hongjoongs heart was pounding frantically now, as a warm feeling pooled into his stomach. 

He sniffed a couple of times before getting himself closer to the alpha. He was hesitant at first...but he wanted to be close to Seonghwa. Because he was scared, scared because he didn't know what was happening to him. Scared because he didn't seem to know himself anymore. He was afraid of himself. But more afraid of the unknown presences that seemed to gradually occupy more and more of his mind as time was passing.

"Do...you need a hug"?

Looking at the alpha he nodded. Seonghwa came closer as he took hongjoong into his welcoming arms. Pulling him into his embrace so that hongjoong was now safely in his hold he sighed deep.

The hold hongjoong was in made him feel and think of many things. His first instinct was to push the other away, as he felt somewhat suffocating as he was caged in. but as soon he smelled Seonghwa's calming scent he wanted nothing more than to get even closer...

feeling the elders hands that where softly placed on his back he had stopped himself from moving.

Seonghwa's hands where in fact shaking.

And it made him realize that he wasn't the only one who was afraid.

Seonghwa held his breath as he for the first time in his life hugged the younger. He tried his best not to move to much as it could scare the other but unexpectedly a hand moved around his torso, stopping at his back. His eyes widened in disbelieve as the other was patting him slowly in a comforting manner. 

He could barely believe it, he clearly wasn't the one that needed to be comforted. But he didn't say a word as he let the other do as he pleased.

Hongjoong laid his head onto seonghwa's chest as he heard the alpha's slow but steady heartbeat. Following the others calm breathing he closed his eyes for a bit.  
As he for once he let himself enjoy this moment as the pain and fear for now where completely forgotten. 

He knew instantly he wanted to stay in this alpha's...no Seonghwa's arms forever.

Seonghwa however looked toward the ceiling with worry written on his face.

Because he knew that this was only a small fraction of what was yet to come...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions & answers: + announcement.
> 
> For anyone not understanding about the voices:
> 
> 1: Hongjoong hears is his omega.  
> 2: Is the 'human' side that really wants Seonghwa as well.  
> While Hongjoong clearly loves seonghwa. These parts are pushing him to be with Seonghwa in a physical way. While Hoogjoongs trauma is preventing him from wanting that.  
> 3: The voice that whispers all those awfull things to him is also a part of him that was created because of the traumatic event.+ extra factors that played a role. Now does this voice sometimes side with his omega side. But almost always in a negative way. Trying to bring him down.
> 
> (Damm it's kinda like we're getting split personalities here. But its not. Just his own voices + his wolf) 
> 
> Long story short: he's fighting against himself. 
> 
> \----
> 
> Him slipping away = also completely his omega's doing.
> 
> \----  
> Isn't he afraid of alpha's anymore?
> 
> He's still terrified of alpha's! 
> 
> The only one he trusts is Seonghwa -> just wanted to let you know. Since he had always trusted Seonghwa.  
> \----
> 
> Curious about Seonghwa's thoughts while they kissed?
> 
> He was really surprised by Hongjoongs actions, however he ofcourse didn't dislike it at all. The first kiss he didn't dare to move as he let the other explore for himself. But the moment he and hongjoong parted his instincts took over a bit. (Because it was something he wanted to do for such a long time) So that's why he kissed Hongjoong the second time. -> ma boy just wanted to feel his mans lips. ->it was really tender tho.  
> ( I'm more into the dirty smutty stuff but ey we're getting there ;)  
> \----
> 
> What about San?
> 
> Djehdhsjsj I feel kinda sad for San. I really portrayed him as a bad alpha.(oke he kinda is) But plz try to understand him. Hongjoong was hiding the fact that he was raped. So he jumped to conclusions. So jea... but still I'm thinking about how to go further with San. 😂
> 
> \----  
> \+ might do an background story on Seonghwa and his alpha in the future.🤔 (if you guys are interested)
> 
> \----  
> *next chapter might have some smut*
> 
> (I will be editing chapters bc with some I'm not satisfied yet. I also noticed I use alot of > ...  
> so I will try to tone it down a bit.  
> Btw nothing will change for the storyline)
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me!🤣 btw feel free to ask me anything!
> 
> ->question -> can anyone recommend me an ateez fanfic? Or yours? if you're writing your own fanfics. Bc I kinda want to read hehe. Ty in advance

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language! Feel free to correct any mistakes so I can fix them!


End file.
